So It's Not Just Me

I had a nice talk with Sunny's foster mom last night. She said she was wondering if he was going to have those big, way-out-of-control hour-long fits with us.

When he first came to them he was "fine", but after a while he started having those hourlong tantrums. That's when they started trying a series of medications, ending up with the atypical antipsychotic he's on now. She said he still had the fits, and they could be set off by an adult or child in the house telling Sunny what to do... and the pattern was pretty random.

She said "I was beginning to think it was just me!"

Now I feel the same way. Whew, it's not just me. This is not the absolute worst Sunny has ever behaved.

She believes he has something neurological that makes him behave that way... of course he doesn't want to do it, he feels compelled.

It's impossible to put a finger on exactly why. I seriously doubt he has real (i.e. genetic) ADHD. I don't think he has any kind of bipolar either.

Here's a pretty broad list of childhood bipolar symptoms with my remarks added. I'm aware of a lot of the controversy regarding overdiagnosis of childhood bipolar, and I'm taking the list with a grain of salt.

• an expansive or irritable mood (Sometimes)
• extreme sadness or lack of interest in play (Never. He's very resilient. He'll get sad, of course, but he recovers quickly)
• rapidly changing moods lasting a few hours to a few days (No. He's consistent. He's either energetic and sweet, energetic and cranky or just plain energetic.)
• explosive, lengthy, and often destructive rages (Sometimes)
• separation anxiety (Yes, definitely. But he's OK at school or playing with other kids or other adults.)
• defiance of authority (Sometimes... more at home than at school)
• hyperactivity, agitation, and distractibility (Yes, although he's able to focus for quite longer periods of time on things he really enjoys, like Legos)
• sleeping little or, alternatively, sleeping too much (not really, 10 hours a night seems to be his natural time)
• bed wetting and night terrors (Bedwetting yes, night terrors yes, but rarely)
• strong and frequent cravings, often for carbohydrates and sweets (Come on, this is a ridiculous "symptom")
• excessive involvement in multiple projects and activities (yes, has a harder time staying on activities in school compared to his classmates)
• impaired judgment, impulsivity, racing thoughts, and pressure to keep talking (Yes, very impulsive and talkative... impaired judgment, not really)
• dare-devil behaviors such as jumping out of moving cars or off roofs (No. He's daring, but has a great understanding of his physical limits.)
• inappropriate or precocious sexual behavior (No)
• delusions and hallucinations (No)
• grandiose belief in own abilities that defy the laws of logic -- ability to fly, for example (No)

He doesn't fit any other diagnoses. I think FASD is out of the question. He was more than 8 pounds when he was born, and many of his particular mental strengths are the mirror image of the problems that kids with FASD tend to have. He's a Go Fish expert card-counter, and his sense of direction and memory for landmarks are better than my own.

I don't think these fits have changed my basic approach to Sunny's issues. Number one, he's a strong-willed child. He'd be a strong-willed child even if he had a totally normal and boring childhood. Number two, his mother was not consistently there for him when he was an infant and toddler, and then he lost her. Other people were there for him, which is why he doesn't have attachment disorder, and why he's so trusting . But it's still a huge loss. Knowing that she died is another loss, but I think it affected him less than the initial loss... the time he knew for sure he was never going back to live with her.

We can't change Sunny's basic personality. I wouldn't want to. But I'm confident we can help him grow out of these fits, and that he will find ways of untangling the complicated knot of loss/control/anxiety he's been forced to live with. I think when he can be alone in a room by himself, at ease with himself, this will be a huge marker of progress. It sounds so simple...