I just caught up with what's going on with Tudu over here. I'm feeling heartbroken. Please, anyone who's familiar with the case, let me know if there's anything I can do, or any letter I can write. I'm checking my atlasien email address in the profile.
Hello everyone! I'm sorry I never followed through on my last post many months ago. I'm going to try again next year to get back into the swing of blogging and catch up on how everyone else is doing.
Here's a little bit of what happened in 2010.
- BB came to us. I flew to the city and waited at the airport curbside. His foster father drove up and handed him over. I turned around and flew back to Atlanta carrying him. BB was already very familiar with me due to our visits, but it just felt... strange, as you can probably imagine.
- I took a two-month maternity leave. I also became very depressed during this time. I was functional, and dealt with it in several different ways. Guy also had some problems with depression, and Sunny did not handle the addition well. He loves his brother, absolutely loves him, and I'm convinced we have done the best thing for both of them. Nevertheless, in the short term it was very difficult for him to come to grips with the fact that he was suddenly receiving a lot less attention.
- BB is a highly active, dynamic, joyful and sensitive child, much like his brother. He smiles and laughs and dances all the time. He also cries and screams often. He needs a lot of attention. He was behind in several developmental areas such as fine motor skills and behind in speech development: at 20 months, he still hadn't spoken any words at all. But during his eight months with us, he's caught up a lot. At almost 2.5 years, he's now opening doorknobs, eating with a spoon, climbing everything in sight, saying "Mommy" and "Daddy" and "I want my booties" and "please" and "thank you", answering the telephone, and a bunch of other things I'm very proud of.
- Sunny's behavior at home is more or less the same as it was in the beginning of the year, but his behavior at school took a nosedive. He was kicked out of his summer day camp for defiant behavior. After one month in third grade at the same charter school he's been going to for two years, he started getting in a lot of trouble. Things like throwing pencils, disobeying the teacher, even telling the principal to f*** off. We're working with them to do an IEP. Guy has been going to the school almost daily to do things like have lunch with Sunny to make him feel better and more regulated.
- I don't think the Abilify is really working anymore. We're looking at switching to another medication; I'm going to ask the psychiatrist about Depakote. We're up against the wall when it comes to his schooling. He's already had one "disciplinary hearing." The school is not our enemy in any sense, I really feel like we're all working together, but they don't have the resources right now to do the only thing that works when he gets deep into one of his fits: restraint. All they can do right now is call one of us to come get him so that he doesn't hurt someone else or himself during one of them.
- Sunny's behavior is also isolating him socially at school. The other students in third grade are starting to avoid him because of his outbursts. He still has great relationships with his friends in the neighborhood, but I'm really worried that he's on the path to hating every part of the school that he was so happy with in first and second grade.
- Our new Georgia governor (makes gagging noise). I don't even want to think about him.
I've been dealing with depression from a lot of stress that comes partly from parenting, partly from finances. I'd really like to make a change in my job, but helping Sunny might cost a lot of money, so now is not the best time to make such a change. I feel isolated, but not energized enough to take the steps that I know I should take to un-isolate myself.
But overall, I and my family are still holding together well. I'm on Lexapro now, and although the side effects when I started were really, really rough, I think it's having some positive effect. My mother has been helping me out a lot, too.
Oh, and for those who remember all the stuff I've written about my dad? The last time he was over here, Guy was talking with him about something parenting related, and asked him what he would do in his shoes... and my dad said "I have no advice for you. I was a terrible father." Sigh. As usual, he's being hyperbolic. He messed up a lot of things, but he wasn't that bad, really. But it goes to show that a lot of the challenges we're facing are unprecedented in the history of our families.
I hate to be gloomy at this time of the year, but I want to paint an accurate picture of what's been going on. And like I said, it's really not all that bad, and I'm confident 2011 is going to be better. I'm going to try and make a happy 2011 post by the end of the weekend.
I'm looking forward to our official adoption of BB, which should happen very soon. Everything is filed; we're waiting on a court date.
If you'd like to update me on your milestones for 2010, please comment and link! I'm going to try and catch up, but it'll be an uphill struggle. I've read so many blogs that cover the bad as well as the good, and they've been so useful to me, but it's been unexpectedly hard to keep up communication during my own most difficult times. I'm just going to keep on doing my best.
Love and Peace in the New Year,
- Atlasien
Foster Care System Perspectives Blogs on Adoption from the Foster Care System Blogs on Adoption and African-Americans Blogs on Adoption and Asian-Americans Asian Links Other Adoption Resources and/or Blogs Adoption Forums Adoption Reform Local Stuff Some Favorites: Politics, Feminism, Race and Culture, Humor, Misc.
"Rising to the defense of their country, by the thousands they came - these young Japanese American soldiers from Hawaii, the states, America's concentration camps - to fight in Europe and the Pacific during World War II. Looked upon with suspicion, set apart and deprived of their constitutional rights, they nevertheless remained steadfast and served with indomitable spirit and uncommon valor, for theirs was a fight to prove loyalty. This legacy will serve as a sobering reminder that never again shall any group be denied liberty and the rights of citizenship." - Go For Broke Monument, Los Angeles, CaliforniaOther Colors: "The first anti-miscegenation law, barring marriage between whites and blacks, was passed in Maryland in 1661. By the nineteenth century, such laws had been enacted in most states. In 1880, California passed a law prohibiting the issuing of licenses for marriage between any white persona and a 'Negro, mulatto, or Mongolian.' ... Aimed at the Chinese, the law was supported by the likes of John F. Miller, who said in 1878, 'Were the Chinese to amalgamate at all with our people... the result of that amalgamation would be…a mongrel of the most detestable that has ever afflicted the earth.' In 1909, California specifically added the Japanese to the list."
[np / cb / so]
