Exhausted

Yesterday Sunny had great behavior. I congratulated him and gave him a special sticker. This was one of the seven in a row he needs to earn back a toy drawer. As a bonus, he also got another one of his Hot Wheels back.

But he was in a very bad mood when we woke him up at 10:30 to pee. Then he got up at four in the morning and made us miserable for the next four hours.

If he wakes up with a nightmare, he can come in our bedroom and get a hug. Then he has to go back to bed, or else play quietly in his room. He's done this successfully a couple times before, but not tonight. He didn't want to be awake and alone in his room, no matter what, and he started getting mean about it.

DOOR SLAM
MOM AND DAD AREN'T BEING VERY NICE TO ME
WHY AM I ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT? WHY AM I SO STUPID???? WHYYYYYYY???!!!!?
DOOR SLAM
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIILLL
MOM AND DAD AREN'T LISTENING TO ME
MOM AND DAD ARE IDIOT POOPOO FARTHEADS
DOOR SLAM
ARRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHH
I'M VERY MAD
THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT
WAAAAAAAAAILLLLLL
DOOR SLAM
IF MOM AND DAD AREN'T GOING TO BE NICE TO ME I'M NOT GOING TO BE NICE TO THEM
DOOR SLAM

I tried reasoning, but he was already in that state of cold rage.

I ended up getting up at 5:30 and going to the living room with Sunny. Guy got some more sleep. I am very irritated with Guy right now, because he made the situation worse with his temper. He's great at parenting except for a couple weak spots and this is one of them: he isn't good at being woken up.

When we lived in an apartment, I once had to pull him away from attacking our terrible upstairs neighbor, who started playing the R. Kelly song "Ignition" on auto-repeat, at full volume, and then left to get high for the night, not returning until one in the morning. When I say "pull him away" I mean that literally. As soon as our neighbor got back home, Guy kept charging up the stairs at him, and I kept grabbing him by his belt and vigorously hauling him back down the stairs (I'm fairly strong and I weigh a lot more than Guy). When I told my mother the next morning, she replied, "Welcome to a long life of pulling men off of other men."

When Guy gets upset like this I not only have to figure out how to calm Sunny down, I have to figure out how to keep Guy from yelling and cursing at Sunny. Sunny needs to have consequences for his bad behavior but they can't be given when people are out of control like that.

One consequence Sunny got was that his mattress is now on the floor. I warned him last week that if he showed his anger by jumping off the bed in a threatening manner, I would take away his bed. Also, the next time he slams the door, it's getting taken off its hinges.

I'm willing to try just about anything. Once his adoption is finalized, he'll be allowed to sleep in the same bed, and if he has a nightmare, he can come sleep with me for a while. It's going to happen soon... we sent off the signed affidavits the other day.

I've also decided that he's not going to be allowed to hit. If that happens, he's going to be put on the sofa or bed in a hold-down. I don't care how much he is screaming that we're hurting him or twisting his arm or "using too much pressure" (yes, he said that). He's going to hurt himself worse if we don't hold him down. I told him that too. I said, "we are never going to hurt you, but we are not going to allow you to hit."

I don't think Sunny was being as remorseful as normal in the morning. He was still in a very nasty and controlling mood, although he stopped being totally oppositional. He was doing so well yesterday.

I was lecturing him on the way to school. I don't know if any of it sunk in. He said he was thinking about moving to another home when he got older. I told him he could move out and make all his own decisions when he was 18, but other than that, he was stuck with us. He said, "I know, I'm talking about when I turn 18." I ended with a pep talk... he was a good boy, and I knew he could do better if he tried harder to control his anger.

This is depressing. I'm exhausted and stressed, and I have a mild cold, and my period cycle is way off because of the stupid drugs. THE WORLD ISN'T BEING VERY NICE TO ME! WHYYYYY?!?!?!

I recited nembutsu this morning in the car on my way to work and that calmed me down a lot, as always.