Email From a Reader

I have an email from someone who wanted to leave a comment but couldn't because of my registration settings. I asked for permission to post it here so others can read as well, got it, so here it is.

First, when I was a kid, I had bio-feedback (like neurofeedback I think) and it was very effective for me. I went for a few months when I was in high school- fifteen maybe- and I’m now 36 and I still use the techniques I learned then and they still help. I was taught them for pain management, but I’ve used them very well for anger management as well.

Also, I have two children adopted through foster-care. My oldest, S, has fits like Sunny. I wanted to let you know there are others in the same boat, and to share what we do that has helped (it’s a bit of a different situation; S is five, he’s been with us for three years, and so he doesn’t really remember his other families although he *knows* of them and we write and talk on the phone). So, for what it’s worth, here is our approach and why we developed it:

We live in an apartment, with our landlords below us, so the screaming is REALLY an issue (although they are very nice and patient about the whole thing). Since it's me he wants to have with him 24/7, my poor wife gets stuck with this (otherwise it's a reward) but we take him out to the van (naked once when he was younger- it was a shock to him that we really did, but our van's windows are coated so it wasn't too immodest) when he starts screaming, hitting or throwing. He goes in the back, and my wife sits up front and at least pretends to read a book. Every minute or two, she looks up and calmly asks if he is done. When he is able to say yes (this can take a long time) she goes in the back with him, cuddles and talks as needed, reassures him he's loved, and brings him back inside. If it's really cold out, she buckles him in and drives while he screams. We prefer not to drive if possible though because he's distracting and we dread having to explain what's going on if we got pulled over! Over time the hitting has stopped (it's been about a year) but he still throws things if they are to hand. Anything he throws goes into time out for a week.

Thanks for the blog- I really enjoy reading about your experiences and perspectives.

-J