Another Meltdown
This morning, Sunny still had a few pages of his homework packet left to finish. We had a perfect storm condition.
1) Doing homework in the morning in a limited amount of time
2) Having me in particular asking him to do the homework
3) Doing a handwriting homework page
4) Dad being gone on his trip
5) No medication last night because we're switching to a dose in the morning instead
He yelled and cried and screamed and insulted ("Mom is mean and fat!") and threatened ("I'm never talking to Mom again because Mom is never nice to me!").
I know I'm neither mean nor am I overweight so the insults don't really bother me, but the whole situation just sucked.
He got a timeout. The further fallout is that he had to explain to his teacher that he didn't finish his homework because he chose to argue in the morning instead. He has lost his dessert privilege tonight and maybe tomorrow, unless he shows good behavior for the rest of today. He also needs to think about how to make up for insulting me, because he is not supposed to call people names when he gets frustrated. I also don't like him using "fat" as an insult but I'm not sure how to address that.
I have talked about this with my husband and mother before... I can't walk Sunny through his homework at all. It's just too emotionally charged for him. He has got to do it with Guy or someone else. We don't have these kinds of issues doing other stuff together.
Foster Care System Perspectives
5 comments:
I am not certain whether Sunny had an IEP or not, but my son does, and I had enough of fighting over homework. told them it was too destructive to our relationship and I had it removed and put in his IEP. If they hadn't have done it I would've refused to do it anyway. If I don't advocate for my child no one will.
Thanks, he does have an IEP but it's geared toward moderate ADHD and doesn't have anything about homework in it. I guess that's the next step if he keeps getting more upset about it.
He can do his homework just fine under certain conditions, but we just have to set it up so he's not doing it with me. He does great one-on-one with his tutor, for example.
I had the same problem with my two perfectly "normal" "birth" children when I would try to do homework with them (and I have a degree in elementary education). Definitely a pick your battles and this isn't it situation. Hopefully the school will be cooperative.
Before I type anything, let me say this -- nothing that I do with Slugger may apply here. So feel free to crumple my advice in a ball and consider it garbage.
I've found, with Slugger, that when things are getting heated pointing out the natural consequences just makes them boil over. Reflection seems to work better than anything else. For example, I'll say "You're feeling really frustrated right now." Sometimes Slugger can elaborate, sometimes he can't find the words. But just stating his feeling and then stopping seems to help. When I put any conditions on it while he's riled up, it just makes things worse.
(Obviously, once he's calm again, we have to discuss the consequences.)
ugh...homework battles! We had them for several years until a year or so ago (she is 10!). It was always worse w/ me too (In our case, I'm convinced some of it stems from abandonment issues due to foster care/adoption and how she seems women...untrustworthy).
This is a hard topic for me because I did my homework w/ no prodding so it was "extra" frustrating for me to see her drag her feet (how can she not grasp the "get it over with so I can do fun stuff" concept?! UGH!) which means that a combination of "her" issues and my style wasn't always good so dad had to take over that role for a bit (which was hard due to his schedule)
We are better now but it has taken a long time and constant adjustment to our methods. I'm lucky that she now has a best friend so she can't play until after homework, chores and piano practice and she is very motivated...we've, sadly, have gone back to a chart system (I hate them w/ a passion!) so she can "mark" when she is done and know when she can have her friend over.
Sorry..highjacked your comments!LOL Just wanted to say I understand...hang in there.
BTW, Ky still has a hard time doing "other" things w/ me so we've worked around it. Swimming classes (when I could have taught her but it was horrible so I gave up) or having someone else (relative) pitch in to teach a particular concept, because she has a hard time "accepting" instruction from me.
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