My Dad Has Gone Out of His Mind
My dad hasn't been around due to some important appointments he needs to keep in Japan, but he will be visiting in August. We've been updating him on Sunny.
I was worried he would be too extreme when it comes to food. Sunny is not a picky eater according to his foster family's standards -- after all, he'll eat salad and broccoli -- but he is a very picky eater when it comes to our family's standards.
I don't want to turn it into a battle. At each meal, I cook at least one thing I know he'll eat. Then he gets more of that thing if he eats the rest of his food, or alternately, he'll only get dessert if he tries a few bites of the new food. If he complains, I'll just say, sympathetically, "that's too bad you won't get any dessert then!" If he doesn't eat any of it, I just clear his plate and we finish dinner.
Let me present, as a contrast, the way my dad used to discipline me at the table whenever I stayed with him in Japan.
- "Dad, I really don't like konnyaku, could you leave out the konnyaku chunks on my plate please?"
- "No."
- "Please Dad!"
- "GO TO HELL!"
- "Hold your o-hashi correctly! Your technique is embarrassing!"
- ""
- "You stupid American! GO TO HELL!"
- "Dad, please remember I'm a vegetarian now, so can I have soup without minced lamb please?"
- "It's not lamb, it's mutton!"
- "Well, if you have to put it in the soup, could you please not mince it up so finely, so that I can actually pick the pieces out of the soup?"
- "YOU ARE A HOPELESS STUPID CLUMSY DAUGHTER! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR VEGETABLE STUPIDITY! GO TO THE HELL!"
I hope this goes to explain why I was a bit nervous about having my dad and Sunny at the same dinner table.
Tonight, my father asked me if Sunny was eating well and if I was cooking for him. I told him things were going pretty well, but Sunny didn't eat everything on his plate and he didn't even try his squash. Then my father said:
"Go slow! Be patient!"
My jaw dropped open. Then he asked me if Sunny was in bed. I said yes, his bedtime was 8:30pm.
"Don't be too harsh with him!"
I guess I don't have to worry about Ojiichan yelling at Sunny. But I feel sort of bitter... damn, I wish he could have been that mellow when I was a kid.
Foster Care System Perspectives
7 comments:
Does it help to know that it is universal? Or at least I think it is.
I wonder what my father would say to me if I were to say to MY kids, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"
Like yondalla says, it's universal. My parents were pretty laid-back, but I've got to say, it sometimes surprises me how...mushy and super laid-back my mom gets with my dotter.
I get lectured by my dad on not being to hard on them.... He was so so strict. According to my brother they can even sit on his chair while they stay over (He called me to tell that so sacred is the chair.) Like you it makes all things easier and on the other hand it sort of hurts..
Ha...'tis the grandparent syndrome!LOL
My dad would yell at me if I tried to get food off his plate (major no-no in our home...he's squimmish) or refuse to continue eating out of it yet Ky will get her hands all over his food and he's ok! Go figure!
First time I saw that I wasn't sure whether to be happy for my daughter or jealous!
So it's not just me, then. My dad lets my nephews get away with blue murder. He does things completely opposite to how he did it when we were kids.
Ah the moments when you want to turn to your Dad and say, "Who are you, and do I have to take my real Dad back? 'Cause this is much better."
I think Bill Cosby said something like, "Your parents turn into old people trying to get into heaven." I think this is universal. But thank God, because who'd want to try to make their kid suffer what their parents were like back in the day? I appreciate the fact that my dad is way more mellow and appreciative of my kids than he ever was with me. Kind of makes you hope someday your kids will see you making up for all the mistakes you have/will make with them!
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