Father's Day
Aahh... only a few minutes to blog...
The weekend is a rollercoaster. Sunny's behavior has been extremely mixed. He's happy most of the time but when things don't go his way, he falls into the pit of utmost despair. Then he bounces right back out of the pit, but it's still exhausting to bounce down and up with him.
He had his longest episode yesterday. I told him we could play on the Spiderman website for five minutes. At the end of the five minutes, I closed the website, and he started sobbing and screaming . We never let him do anything. We never give him any minutes to do anything in. We always have to be mean to him and tell him what to do and it really hurts his feelings. And so on... the Spiderman website is continuing to prey on him. This morning, I told him absolutely no more Spiderman website because it upsets him too much. He is going to have to earn it back. Video games are the bane of our existence!
My mother has a next-door neighbor with two nice kids. But the boy Sunny's age is very subdued. My mother says she never sees him outside. I don't think he has any friends and he looks depressed and physically not very fit. All he does is play video games in his basement all day long. His mother told me she can't tell him "no"... the dad is the one who does any disciplining, and the dad is also a video game lover with all three systems in multiple places in their house. I watched Sunny play video games with their son. His mother had to remind him how to be social. As they were playing together Sunny kept up a constant stream of chatter -- "I'm good at this! Watch this! Hey, your turn now! Show me how to do that! Wow, that was awesome! I'm going to die, OHMYGOD!!" -- but the boy hardly said anything. I am actually beginning to think Sunny might be a good influence on him, especially if I can get them outside playing together.
Time to go buy some food for our party now. Sunny and Sunny's Dad are at the skate park. Soooo tiiiired... in the last several years I'd cut myself back to no more than one cup of coffee a day, but that's gone right out the window.
Foster Care System Perspectives
5 comments:
I think weaning off caffeine now is not a good idea!LOL So says an addict that has currently jumped off the wagon once again!
My nephew could/would play video games all day long if he was allowed...my sister in law finally realized it was a problem and has since enrolled him in Soccer and some other activities...just sucks their minds. I don't nec. have a problem w/ it (we all play here too) as long as it's limited...I hate seeing kids glued to it so although it's really hard now in the beginning you are doing him a huge favor in the long run. As for poor social skills my nephew would get so obsessively focused on the game that he'd tell other people to shut up...ugg.
Happy (belated) Father's Day to your husband.
Heh, I remember saying that the two most important purchases we made when Huck came to live with us was 1. Waterproof mattress pad 2. Espresso machine.
Neither have gotten a rest in 19 months. ;)
Five minutes? Only five minutes?
A sitcom or cartoon show lasts half an hour, so what's with the five minutes teaser? No wonder he threw a tantrum. I would have too.
Sunny had an actual life before he met you. It's gone.
Poof. Vanished. Finis.
Everyone and everything he knew before you.
The natural human response is to seek not stability first, but pleasure, after such a massive loss. Placing severe limits on this by giving him a taste of it when needs a meal of it is to incite rebellion and resentment that you can't begin to imagine. Do so at your own peril - and his too, less he end up being seen in the office of a therapist in a few years and labeled as an oppositional defiant child.
I know from which I speak as both a long-ago adoptive mother and later, a seasoned therapist. Wish someone had given me a clue when I was in your spot.
I'll add one thing I just thought of. The child who's lost a lot from a change in caretakers also loses his sense of power over his environment. You see this as a good change, and it usually is in the long run.
However, it's no accident that Sunny is in love with Spiderman. Hero figures have control and power over their environment - something little kids never have, and this is especially true of the recently placed adopted child.
Hope this perspective helps and sheds some insight into his behavior.
Also, the egg timer is your best friend. If you set it and say, "We have to stop when it rings." Then it is the timers fault and not yours when it is time to stop. Countdowns are good too. "Remember, only 10 more minutes. Only 5 more. We'll have to stop in 1 minute." Most little kids have troubles with transitions and if you have ADHD its even worse.
Good luck!
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