Not Cheerful

Well, I'm semi-officially depressed. We had our first rejection this week; rejection meaning that we didn't pass to the next round of families being considered. I'm also getting upset about how hard it is to reach people.

I asked our worker to fax in our homestudy on a boy in another state several months ago. I don't usually do this, but I wanted to make sure it was received, since the state has a lot of kids listed and the situation there seems kind of chaotic. I spent two weeks leaving messages and trying to get in touch with the original contact. I finally found out that wasn't the caseworker, and got the real caseworker's number. Then I spent another two weeks leaving messages and trying to get in touch. When I finally got her on the phone, she told me that the boy had been in an adoptive placement since January. She was mildly surprised his listing hadn't been updated. "Oh, I guess that's too bad, we should really do something about that..."

I knew about all these issues beforehand, and I thought I was prepared for the fact that most of the work I do in trying to make contact is completely wasted. It's affecting me more than I thought it would. And then I'm starting to have doubts about our homestudy. Maybe it doesn't show us in a good light. And is our worker really staying on top of things?

We're only two months into the matching process and I am NOT a happy camper. I need to get that sense of forward motion back. I'm starting to develop a plan so that I don't slide down into actual chemical depression. Overall I have an extremely stable emotional baseline, and I've never been on any kind of medication, but during a few times in my life, lasting for about a month at a time, I've gotten into that state where all I effectively did was sleep, cry or think about sleeping or crying. I don't want to go back there ever again.