Letter to a Prospective Adoptive Parent

I just sent this to a relative of a friend of my husband's who had emailed me about adoption.

She sounded rather lost and frightened in her short email. I wanted to be encouraging, and I've probably failed at that, but at least she'll be a lot more informed after my reply.

Some words are altered for privacy.

Hi []!

I'd be happy to offer advice and point you towards more information.

There are two basic kinds of domestic adoption, private and public (foster care). We went through foster care. Our son [Sunny] is six now, and had been in foster care since the age of two, as his extended family could not or would not take care of him. His social workers started looking for an adoptive family when he was five.

We began our adoption process in late 2006 and weren't matched with [Sunny] until early 2008. It was a very difficult period waiting, but we're very happy because it was all worth it. Right now he is in "pre-adoptive placement" status. This means we are his guardians, but our social worker still supervises us; she visits us once a month. Once [Sunny] has been with us for six months, then we can legally adopt, and then there will be no more visits and we'll have the same legal rights as biological parents.

[Sunny] had some special needs listed, like ADHD, and is on a medication. However, many kids in foster care are on more medication than they need, and we're gradually reducing his medicine. We think he might not need any medication at all eventually. He's doing great in school and we might even get him into a gifted program in a few grades. He's a happy little kid and has so much love to give.

Since we adopted through the state, our adoption is going to be totally free. Our trip expenses visiting his foster family will be reimbursed. We also get a monthly subsidy of $[] from his state. Some of that I'm using for things like his swim and soccer and therapy and tutoring; half of it is going to a college fund.

That's the route we picked. We did what is called a "straight adoption" where there was no fostering period first. We did it that way because we didn't want to go through having to foster many children and return most of them. But fostering first (AKA "foster to adopt") is really how most adoptions in the system get done, and also the only way to adopt an infant. We weren't set on adopting an infant, though. Babies are cute, but not much fun to talk to! [Sunny] being school-aged has worked out great for us. However, we might end up adopting a baby as well, because [Sunny]'s little brother has also entered the foster care system and will probably get placed with us.

Besides the foster care system, there is private infant adoption. Through an agency or independently, mothers who want to voluntarily relinquish their children meet up with adoptive parents. There is a lot of competition to get placed with a baby. The adoptive parents pay large fees and legal expenses. I've heard up to $30,000. I had no interest in this route. There are many problems I saw. For one example, white babies are priced much higher than black babies, which reflects a lot of racism in the system. Many expectant mothers aren't well informed, and regret their decision and suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know it's possible for private adoption to be done ethically, and I do think open adoption is usually in the best interests of the child in these kinds of cases. But for me personally, I didn't want to navigate the ethical issues involved in private adoption.

It's impossible for me to tell you exactly what you should do, so I'm just explaining my own process of decision. But here's some general advice. I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. When I was at the start of the process, I really appreciated honest advice, because there is a LOT of misguided stuff out there when it comes to adoption.

It's going to be difficult no matter what you do. If you go private you will have to sell yourself and your family to expectant mothers. If you go foster care, you have to sell yourselves to social workers. The potential humiliation is actually the least of it -- agencies and social workers will routinely lie and screw you over. They often tell you what you want to hear because they think you can't handle the truth. Be prepared, and don't automatically trust anyone. Follow up, verify, do your own research.

Try to let go of your ego. Instead of thinking "can I handle this" or "can I handle that", think "my child will need this or that, and do I have the strength to live up to that crucial responsibility". Adopted children need you to help them keep connections to their roots (in a safe way). Even when they come from a pretty depressing background, they usually still need that connection. My son says he has three moms -- his bio mom, foster mom and me -- and I think that's a healthy way for him to understand his situation.

There are many older waiting children in the system who desperately want parents. Year after year, they wait to be adopted, and eventually they get so old that they have to go out in the world without a family. If you go to [photolisting link] you will see the ones just in [your state].

That's it for now. Let me know if you have any more questions. I'd also recommend looking up internet groups to find other people who are on the same path you might want to take. http://groups.yahoo.com has many specialized groups like that. If you have more specific questions I can also point you towards more resources. Finally, good luck. I'm not going to tell you it's going to be easy, but like I said, I did it and I think it was all worth it!

Regards,
[atlasien]

[Attached: family picture with beaming faces]

Hedge Fund Manager Bows Out, Sparks Up

I promise I'll get back to real blogging soon, not just quoting. But in the meantime, I just had to share this letter. I love his perspective.

Hedge Fund Manager: Goodbye ... And Think Pot
Topics:Earnings | Economy (U.S.)
By Matthew Malone, Portfolio.com | 17 Oct 2008 | 12:48 PM ET

From the Scorched Earth Files:

Andrew Lahde, manager of a small California hedge fund, Lahde Capital, burst into the spotlight last year after his one-year-old fund returned 866 percent betting against the subprime collapse.

Last month, he did the unthinkable -- he shut things down, claiming dealing with his bank counterparties had become too risky. Today, Lahde passed along his "goodbye" letter, a rollicking missive on everything from greed to economic philosophy. Enjoy:

Today I write not to gloat. Given the pain that nearly everyone is experiencing, that would be entirely inappropriate. Nor am I writing to make further predictions, as most of my forecasts in previous letters have unfolded or are in the process of unfolding. Instead, I am writing to say goodbye.

Recently, on the front page of Section C of the Wall Street Journal, a hedge fund manager who was also closing up shop (a $300 million fund), was quoted as saying, "What I have learned about the hedge fund business is that I hate it." I could not agree more with that statement. I was in this game for the money. The low hanging fruit, i.e. idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale, and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking. These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government. All of this behavior supporting the Aristocracy, only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America.

There are far too many people for me to sincerely thank for my success. However, I do not want to sound like a Hollywood actor accepting an award. The money was reward enough. Furthermore, the endless list those deserving thanks know who they are.

I will no longer manage money for other people or institutions. I have enough of my own wealth to manage. Some people, who think they have arrived at a reasonable estimate of my net worth, might be surprised that I would call it quits with such a small war chest. That is fine; I am content with my rewards. Moreover, I will let others try to amass nine, ten or eleven figure net worths. Meanwhile, their lives suck. Appointments back to back, booked solid for the next three months, they look forward to their two week vacation in January during which they will likely be glued to their Blackberries or other such devices. What is the point? They will all be forgotten in fifty years anyway. Steve Balmer, Steven Cohen, and Larry Ellison will all be forgotten. I do not understand the legacy thing. Nearly everyone will be forgotten. Give up on leaving your mark. Throw the Blackberry away and enjoy life.

So this is it. With all due respect, I am dropping out. Please do not expect any type of reply to emails or voicemails within normal time frames or at all. Andy Springer and his company will be handling the dissolution of the fund. And don't worry about my employees, they were always employed by Mr. Springer's company and only one (who has been well-rewarded) will lose his job.

I have no interest in any deals in which anyone would like me to participate. I truly do not have a strong opinion about any market right now, other than to say that things will continue to get worse for some time, probably years. I am content sitting on the sidelines and waiting. After all, sitting and waiting is how we made money from the subprime debacle. I now have time to repair my health, which was destroyed by the stress I layered onto myself over the past two years, as well as my entire life -- where I had to compete for spaces in universities and graduate schools, jobs and assets under management -- with those who had all the advantages (rich parents) that I did not. May meritocracy be part of a new form of government, which needs to be established.

On the issue of the U.S. Government, I would like to make a modest proposal. First, I point out the obvious flaws, whereby legislation was repeatedly brought forth to Congress over the past eight years, which would have reigned in the predatory lending practices of now mostly defunct institutions. These institutions regularly filled the coffers of both parties in return for voting down all of this legislation designed to protect the common citizen. This is an outrage, yet no one seems to know or care about it. Since Thomas Jefferson and Adam Smith passed, I would argue that there has been a dearth of worthy philosophers in this country, at least ones focused on improving government.

Capitalism worked for two hundred years, but times change, and systems become corrupt. George Soros, a man of staggering wealth, has stated that he would like to be remembered as a philosopher. My suggestion is that this great man start and sponsor a forum for great minds to come together to create a new system of government that truly represents the common man's interest, while at the same time creating rewards great enough to attract the best and brightest minds to serve in government roles without having to rely on corruption to further their interests or lifestyles. This forum could be similar to the one used to create the operating system, Linux, which competes with Microsoft's near monopoly. I believe there is an answer, but for now the system is clearly broken.

Lastly, while I still have an audience, I would like to bring attention to an alternative food and energy source. You won't see it included in BP's, "Feel good. We are working on sustainable solutions," television commercials, nor is it mentioned in ADM's similar commercials. But hemp has been used for at least 5,000 years for cloth and food, as well as just about everything that is produced from petroleum products. Hemp is not marijuana and vice versa. Hemp is the male plant and it grows like a weed, hence the slang term. The original American flag was made of hemp fiber and our Constitution was printed on paper made of hemp. It was used as recently as World War II by the U.S. Government, and then promptly made illegal after the war was won. At a time when rhetoric is flying about becoming more self-sufficient in terms of energy, why is it illegal to grow this plant in this country?

Ah, the female. The evil female plant -- marijuana. It gets you high, it makes you laugh, it does not produce a hangover. Unlike alcohol, it does not result in bar fights or wife beating. So, why is this innocuous plant illegal? Is it a gateway drug? No, that would be alcohol, which is so heavily advertised in this country. My only conclusion as to why it is illegal, is that Corporate America, which owns Congress, would rather sell you Paxil, Zoloft, Xanax and other additive drugs, than allow you to grow a plant in your home without some of the profits going into their coffers. This policy is ludicrous. It has surely contributed to our dependency on foreign energy sources. Our policies have other countries literally laughing at our stupidity, most notably Canada, as well as several European nations (both Eastern and Western). You would not know this by paying attention to U.S. media sources though, as they tend not to elaborate on who is laughing at the United States this week. Please people, let's stop the rhetoric and start thinking about how we can truly become self-sufficient.

With that I say good-bye and good luck.

All the best,

Andrew Lahde

Bob the Builder

This is hilarious, and very cute!

What about Bob the Builder?
by Left in Texas
Thu Oct 16, 2008 at 08:10:26 AM PDT

With all this talk about Joe the Plumber's tax situation, I got to wondering how some other characters might be affected by this election.

This is what I found.

Bob the Builder

Bob the Builder is a construction contractor, specializing in masonry repair. He is an early supporter of Barack Obama, mainly due to his use of Bob’s catchphrase (Can we fix it? Yes we can!). The more Bob learns about Obama and his policies, the more enthusiastic he is about his candidacy.

Bob’s main concerns are the effect the coming recession will have on his business and the cost of providing health insurance to his employees. He believes that Obama’s plans for health insurance and the economy offer the best hope for the future.

Dora the Explorer

Dora the Explorer’s number one issue is the environment. While the candidates have paid lip service to global warming, neither has addressed the issue of conservation and reversing the policies of the Bush administration with respect to the EPA.

Dora likes to stress compromise and never forces her beliefs on others. Consequently, she is concerned about the tone of the McCain/Palin campaign and the behavior of their supporters.

She is impressed with Obama’s demeanor and will enthusiastically be voting for the Democrat come November 4th.

Thomas the Tank Engine

Thomas is pleased that so much discussion has been centered on the country’s dependence on foreign oil. Although concerned at the price of gas, he is happy to note that rider ship on the nation’s railways is increasing.

While a lot of the discussion has been focused on alternative fuels, Thomas wishes that the candidates would express their views on public transportation, like light rail and high-speed inter city rail as an alternative to the automobile.

Thomas feels that McCain is too closely tied to the big oil companies and any chance of expanding the nation’s public transportation network will only come through an Obama administration.

Wile E Coyote

Wile E Coyote has only one concern – where his next meal is coming from. He is exclusively focused on one issue – catching the Road Runner.

His plans invariably fail in spectacular fashion, often blowing up in his face. Despite evidence to the contrary, he believes that endlessly doing the same thing over and over will eventually pay dividends.

Wile E Coyote will be voting for John McCain.

Quick Note on Watching the Debate

Damn, Obama is doing well. He's been turning a lot of attacks back on McCain. He's coming off as smart, secure, issues-based.

Here's an appropriate cinematic analogy of Obama's powerful smear defense technique.

What the 2008 Nobel Prize Winner in Economics thinks of McCain

Princeton University's Paul Krugman Wins Nobel Economics Prize
By Simon Kennedy and Rich Miller

Oct. 13 (Bloomberg) -- Princeton University Professor Paul Krugman, known as much for his criticism of George W. Bush's policies as for his academic work, won the Nobel Prize in economics for his theories on world trade.

Krugman, 55, was honored ``for his analysis of trade patterns and location of economic activity,'' said the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, which selects the winners. His work showed how economies of scale influence trade and urbanization.

[...]

This message of the article below is what I worked on communicating to undecided voters the other week. I'm not an economic expert, but I can appreciate someone who is.

The 3 A.M. Call
By PAUL KRUGMAN
Published: September 28, 2008

It’s 3 a.m., a few months into 2009, and the phone in the White House rings. Several big hedge funds are about to fail, says the voice on the line, and there’s likely to be chaos when the market opens. Whom do you trust to take that call?

I’m not being melodramatic. The bailout plan released yesterday is a lot better than the proposal Henry Paulson first put out — sufficiently so to be worth passing. But it’s not what you’d actually call a good plan, and it won’t end the crisis. The odds are that the next president will have to deal with some major financial emergencies.

So what do we know about the readiness of the two men most likely to end up taking that call? Well, Barack Obama seems well informed and sensible about matters economic and financial. John McCain, on the other hand, scares me.

About Mr. Obama: it’s a shame that he didn’t show more leadership in the debate over the bailout bill, choosing instead to leave the issue in the hands of Congressional Democrats, especially Chris Dodd and Barney Frank. But both Mr. Obama and the Congressional Democrats are surrounded by very knowledgeable, clear-headed advisers, with experienced crisis managers like Paul Volcker and Robert Rubin always close at hand.

Then there’s the frightening Mr. McCain — more frightening now than he was a few weeks ago.

We’ve known for a long time, of course, that Mr. McCain doesn’t know much about economics — he’s said so himself, although he’s also denied having said it. That wouldn’t matter too much if he had good taste in advisers — but he doesn’t.

Remember, his chief mentor on economics is Phil Gramm, the arch-deregulator, who took special care in his Senate days to prevent oversight of financial derivatives — the very instruments that sank Lehman and A.I.G., and brought the credit markets to the edge of collapse. Mr. Gramm hasn’t had an official role in the McCain campaign since he pronounced America a “nation of whiners,” but he’s still considered a likely choice as Treasury secretary.

And last year, when the McCain campaign announced that the candidate had assembled “an impressive collection of economists, professors, and prominent conservative policy leaders” to advise him on economic policy, who was prominently featured? Kevin Hassett, the co-author of “Dow 36,000.” Enough said.

Now, to a large extent the poor quality of Mr. McCain’s advisers reflects the tattered intellectual state of his party. Has there ever been a more pathetic economic proposal than the suggestion of House Republicans that we try to solve the financial crisis by eliminating capital gains taxes? (Troubled financial institutions, by definition, don’t have capital gains to tax.)

But even President Bush has, in the twilight of his administration, turned to relatively sensible people to make economic decisions: I’m not a fan of Mr. Paulson, but he’s a vast improvement over his predecessor. At this point, one has the suspicion that a McCain administration would have us longing for Bush-era competence.

The real revelation of the last few weeks, however, has been just how erratic Mr. McCain’s views on economics are. At any given moment, he seems to have very strong opinions — but a few days later, he goes off in a completely different direction.

Thus on Sept. 15 he declared — for at least the 18th time this year — that “the fundamentals of our economy are strong.” This was the day after Lehman failed and Merrill Lynch was taken over, and the financial crisis entered a new, even more dangerous stage.

But three days later he declared that America’s financial markets have become a “casino,” and said that he’d fire the head of the Securities and Exchange Commission — which, by the way, isn’t in the president’s power.

And then he found a new set of villains — Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the government-sponsored lenders. (Despite some real scandals at Fannie and Freddie, they played little role in causing the crisis: most of the really bad lending came from private loan originators.) And he moralistically accused other politicians, including Mr. Obama, of being under Fannie’s and Freddie’s financial influence; it turns out that a firm owned by his own campaign manager was being paid by Freddie until just last month.

Then Mr. Paulson released his plan, and Mr. McCain weighed vehemently into the debate. But he admitted, several days after the Paulson plan was released, that he hadn’t actually read the plan, which was only three pages long.

O.K., I think you get the picture.

The modern economy, it turns out, is a dangerous place — and it’s not the kind of danger you can deal with by talking tough and denouncing evildoers. Does Mr. McCain have the judgment and temperament to deal with that part of the job he seeks?

Throwing Up, and Money Worries

Sunny did not have a good day yesterday. He had an upset tummy through most of the morning, then ended up projectile vomiting in Nana's car. I had just remarked to my mother, "Sunny is awfully quiet..." when a fountain of liquid came from his mouth and hit the side of the car, followed by a cough, and then another fountain.

We cleaned up and babied him for a while. I gave him a long bath with all his dinosaur toys, he got to drink a 7-Up (this normally NEVER happens, because we don't drink soda and never have any in the house), then he got a PBJ sandwich and a banana while sitting on the couch watching a DVD of his choice. After an hour or so he was totally recovered and ready to go outside and ride his bicycle. I'm not sure what happened; he didn't eat anything out of the ordinary for breakfast. His foster mother once mentioned him having to stay home from school because of throwing up. I don't think it was anything serious.

Sunny has been kind of cranky and oppositional ever since, including this morning.

Guy is very stressed out about money right now, and he said that Sunny might be picking up on that. We really need to control that. Personally, I feel fine. I think as a family we're in a pretty good position. My job is stable, although like any other non-union non-government job, I could be laid off at any time for any reason. If I did get laid off tomorrow, it would suck, and I couldn't easily get another job for anywhere near what I make now, but I'd find something. However, Guy is spoiled because he's been working at what he loves for the last 15 years and he has his own business. He's consumed by what would happen if it goes south. He has hardly any business debt, but his field is very vulnerable to a bad economy.

To me it's simple. Just hold tight, maybe get a part-time job you hate for a bit until things turn around. As long as I have my job, we'd be OK, and if we didn't have my job, we'd still figure out a way to be OK.

I feel very little connection between my job and my worth as a human being. That's easy to say because I'm employed, of course... but back when I was younger and bouncing around, I felt that way. I always went for the jobs that paid the most money, even though they were often the least prestigious ones. And for what I really wanted to do, I never expected to be paid much money for.

My husband is lucky to be doing what he loves and doing it for himself, unlike 99% of the people out there. His many years of hard work and natural skill have a lot to do with it, of course, but landing in the field he landed was the lucky part. The danger is that there's no wall between work and life and worth. He has got to develop that. We've talked a lot about this before.

There's one positive step... we're thinking about renting out a room in our house. We both decided that would be a good idea, as long as we know the person beforehand. There's a friend of my cousin who'd be a good candidate. Of course, we'd have to clear it with Sunny's worker and the roommate might need to be fingerprinted.

Sunny Appreciation Post

The other day, Sunny was so fun to be around.

When I drove him to his swim class, he chattered all the way. He's always curious about the mechanics of things. He learned about sounds and echoes today in school, and we talked about sound for a while. I tried to explain how bats use echolocation. I used my hands to illustrate the sound wave hitting an insect and bouncing back off again, but I wasn't too successful. Sunny just said "I don't understand!" in a mildly exasperated way that was also really cute. He really tried hard, the concept was just too complicated.

I promised him a cookie after class if he could swim a few body lengths by himself without anyone holding him. He's the least advanced swimmer in his class, and I thought he still had an emotional block against swimming by himself in deeper water, one that he was slowly overcoming.

He sort of did it, although he needed a float. I talked to his teacher afterwards. His teacher told me that Sunny was one of the most muscular kids he'd ever seen. And that was the problem! Girls and chubby boys have no problem floating. Even skinny boys can float better than Sunny, because his muscle is so heavy. Sunny can swim really well if he just learns how to float better, and he needs to be taught using a different technique than the other kids. It's not really an emotional block, it's more of a physical one.

He asked me what Sunny did... just soccer twice a week, and swimming twice a week, and lots of running around and bicycling and skateboarding when he's in the mood (which is very frequent).

I think Sunny is going to stay average-to-tall-side-of-short as he grows up. His bio father is also very muscular and not tall, judging from his statistics listed on a listing site that shall not be named.

If Sunny doesn't get too tall, that means he won't be attracted into football... and thank goodness for that. Football and boxing are just too brain-rattling. I'd go for anything up to and including Ultimate Fighting, I just don't want Sunny getting his head banged repeatedly. Judging from his body shape and what he enjoys doing, I can see him doing really well at gymnastics and wrestling, possibly swimming, soccer and baseball, although baseball would be a stretch because there's so much waiting around involved.

Anyway, Sunny got his cookie that night, and some yogurt too. On the way back, he asked me how traffic lights worked, and got really excited about the concept of light shining through colored glass.

My Reaction to the Financial Crisis So Far

I'm keeping a close eye on the stock market. I handle retirement accounts for myself, my mother, father, stepfather and husband. It's pretty ugly out there now!

Luckily, my own 401(k) had been almost entirely in cash by early this year. I didn't like any of the funds, so I've just been parking the money. Thank goodness.

Spread across the other accounts, I had some positions in inverse ETFs that go up when the stock market went down. Those are all sold as of today at high profits, so the accounts have some cash. Right now, I'm planning on 1) waiting until the battered positions come back up again in about three to five years... as long as we have an Obama administration, that is, because with McCain we might be a nuclear wasteland by then 2) waiting until we hit bottom so I can start buying again. Ultimately, this is probably going to be a good buying opportunity.

I know a lot of people are just not looking at their retirement accounts right now because they don't even want to know. All I can say is, face it and take control, it will make you feel better. Get rid of what you need to get rid of, and try to adopt a long-term outlook.

I'm sanguine when it comes to doomsday scenarios. I believe in keeping your eyes open, thinking about the worst and best that could happen, but going about your daily life as if everything is not about to fall apart. Not that I believe things won't ever fall apart, just that if they do, the stock market, cash and even gold is not going to protect us. Nothing will. I'm just a fatalist, not a pessimist or an optimist.

I've been watching some financial news clips at home. I usually don't, because the signal-to-noise ratio is so low. For example, this morning I was trying to get some information about who is going to have it worse over the next couple years, America or Europe. I ended up with a bunch of pundits going off on a completely irrelevant anti-socialist rant.

I actually love reading socialist perspectives on the global financial system. I'm a leftist with an MBA, after all. I've actually read and studied the first volume of Capital. I'm more of a progressive Democrat faux-Socialist nowadays, but I can appreciate the more radical critiques you can get at places like Lenin's Tomb.

I know this may seem odd for an investor like me to say, but individual investing is a terrible way to prepare for retirement. I don't believe in 401(k)s from a policy perspective because they're way too complicated and risky for the average person, especially given the pathetic state of financial education in this country. I feel really terrible for the retirees who are depending on income from their accounts right now. We need a lot more regulation: smart regulation, not worthless stuff like short selling prohibitions. The financial sector is kind of like a brain-damaged cow. It's very large and powerful. You need it for milk, but if not watched very carefully, it might try to eat your shirt or collapse on top of you.

I don't much to say about the bailouts, except that they're probably a bad idea. I don't know enough about economics and finance to advocate for better solutions, though.

The Class of 2006

I feel a bit sad that Maggie at The Open Window has halted her blog.

When I started blogging in 2006, she was one of the first foster care adoption blogs I found. We were at a similar stage in the placement process.

Like other foster care adoption blogs I started reading religiously around that time -- Toots and Noodles and Spotted Dog Turn come to mind -- the blog is going dark.

Foster care adoption is sort of like jumping into a rough ocean. The waiting stage and the placement stage is full of uncertainty and terror. Then you adapt to the ocean (hopefully) and start swimming. At this point, I guess the natural question comes up... why keep blogging?

It's too bad. I really wish there was a more central system of archiving and linking all these kinds of blogs, because they're a more valuable resource than the official training classes you get. But they're more like organic entities forming a fragile ecosystem.

I plan on continuing for a while. I might let things slide for a few weeks or even a month, but I'd like to keep updating as frequently and as long as I can.

Sunny is doing well enough that our current problems are actually rather boring. Nose-picking, for example, and an abortive attempt to slip the dog his vegetables. But I think I'll still have interesting things to talk about here and there, especially since I didn't really start this blog to be 100% adoption. I'm not bored with blogging yet. Also, if I stick around long enough, maybe some of the blogs that have gone dim will light up again...

Political Volunteering

The latest political news is that there's a decent chance Georgia will go for Obama. Here's an article from DailyKos talking about the "black-brown-Asian" Georgia alliance. Awesome!

I spent a lot of time doing voter registration a couple months ago. This last week, I've been working on the other side of the equation: phonebanking to tip undecided white voters. I didn't think I'd be good at it, but it turns out I am. The list we were working from contained voters in Republican strongholds in Atlanta exurbs. I talked to one Obama supporter who wanted to volunteer but said she was afraid to knock on doors in her neighborhood because they might burn a cross on her lawn if they found out she was an Obama supporter.

It was intimidating but ultimately positive. I really think I won some votes. It helps that I have a melodic phone voice, a decent grasp of the issues and know what's circling around in the right-wing media in Georgia.

Here are notes from a typical phone call.

-- Hi, I'm from the Obama campaign
-- exchange of guarded pleasantries
-- here's why I'm supporting Obama: my self-employed breast cancer survivor mother who can't afford insurance. Explanation of Obama's healthcare plan, including a denial that it's "socialized medicine".
-- attack on McCain for being out of touch; add that he used to be an honorable politician but "lost his way". Say he is "out of his depth" on economic issues. Mention Phil Gramm calling Americans a "nation of whiners". Mention that my Vietnam vet stepfather supports Obama because of McCain's bad record on veteran benefits.
-- listen to their issues, see where Obama's platform aligns with theirs
-- ask if they make over $250,000 a year, and if they say no, explain that they will get a tax cut under Obama and need to think about voting their pocketbook.
-- ask if there's anything that makes them wary of Obama or worried about voting for him.

Here's what people say at this point:

-- I heard he doesn't put his hand over his heart when they play the national anthem.
-- I heard he's a Muslim.
-- I heard he used to run ACORN, the organization that enrolls illegal aliens to commit voter fraud while filling out subprime housing loans, thereby causing the current economic crisis
-- I heard he's a terrorist sympathizer
-- I heard he's a Muslimy Muslimy Muslim-head

I had counters planned out for each of these. The Muslim one was the most common and the easiest to go over. I just asked a serious of basic rhetorical questions, such as, "Did you know Muslims don't baptize their kids? Obama had his kids baptized. What kind of Muslim would get their kids baptized?"

It's depressing I can't say "so what if he was a Muslim?" But these people are just not ready for that. Kind of like the Obama supporter from Virginia described in this recent article:

"My niece married a black, and I don't have a problem with it. Now, I wouldn't want a mixed marriage for my daughter, but I'm voting for Obama."

Small steps... small steps.

I think my biggest success was with an elderly lady who was a conservative Democrat ex-Clinton supporter, leaning McCain. After I reassured her that Obama was a Christian and still on his first marriage, she really warmed up to him.

I would be so pumped if Georgia goes for Obama! The odds are still against it, of course.

Best Statement on the Current Crisis

I just had to share this short post from one of my favorite political humor blogs.

Bold times call for bold action
Posted by The Editors under Uncategorized

In recognition of this momentous moment of crisis and uncertainty, I am officially suspending my blogging activities until I can figure out how to turn myself into a bank.

Anyone still blogging hates America.

Medication Stuff and Stories

Another interminable medication-waffling post here. I thought about posting something political or even talking about the temporary ban on short selling, but the medication is what's really on my mind.

We're starting to taper it down. We're still giving him one pill at night every night, but only giving him the other pill every other morning. This is kind of hard and I lost track of a day last week. Here's how it went:

Monday: No Pill. Green sticker at school.
Tuesday: Pill. Yellow sticker.
Wednesday: No Pill. Yellow sticker.
Thursday: No pill. RED sticker! Sunny mentioned he was feeling very "wound up".
Friday: Pill. TBD.

Sunny gets in trouble for not following instructions and talking with his friends too much. He has to receive many reminders in order to get a yellow, and even more to get a red.

Thursday was obviously a bad day for him at school. But after school, he did very well at soccer practice with his dad. He had a crying pout at dinner because we firmly stopped him from engaging in some very bad behavior (pretending he was dropping his vegetables so our dog would eat them). Then after we had dinner, I took him to swim class, where he also did well. So it was a mixed bag... it's not like he completely went off the deep end.

We watched a Frontline special a few nights ago called "The Medicated Child". It concentrated heavily on the explosion of bipolar diagnoses for young children. Even though I'm 99% sure Sunny doesn't have childhood bipolar, and about 75% sure he doesn't have ADHD, shows like this are very informative and helpful. Sunny's medication is an atypical antipsychotic, the class of drugs which are typically prescribed for childhood bipolar.

They showed one teenager who'd been on up to eight different medications since the age of five. He had tardive dyskinesia -- uncontrollable tics -- as a permanent side effect. The effects of long-term atypical antipsychotics on children haven't been studied well.

One of the experts cited, Dr. Kiki Chang, is a big proponent of medication. He argues that with the right medication, childhood bipolar can keep from progressing into adult bipolar. That's based on a theory called "kindling". It makes sense. A major manic episode can hit the brain like an addictive drug. If it happens once, it's a lot more likely to happen again.

Even Dr. Chang thinks a lot of kids are over-medicated, though.

So who's responsible for the overmedicating? Is it pediatricians unsure of what they're doing?

I don't know really. There's some studies looking at that. Overall, I'd have to say it is probably folks who don't have access to good psychosocial interventions or good family-based programs in their communities. There's not enough money in poorer areas, so they have to rely on medications more.

I would say it is possibly folks who don't have a child psychiatry background. In a lot of places general psychiatrists who have no child psychiatry training are forced to treat kids because there's no one else to do it. Pediatricians too, but I don't see that as much as general psychiatrists. So again, if they had more proper training, I think they could do a pretty good job with it.

What needs to change?

We need more funds. We need to develop more child psychiatrists. It's amazing how few child psychiatrists really are out there.

I already blogged about the extremely pathetic encounter we had with the child psychiatrist. I saw what went into his "diagnosis". He barely even looked at Sunny. There were no tests, just a few incoherent questions and some small talk.

If we went to a top-flight child psychiatrist and paid a bunch of our own money, I'm sure we could get better. But I just don't think we need to, since I don't think Sunny has bipolar. I'm not sure he has any kind of pin-point-able anxiety or PTSD disorder, since he sleeps so well at night.

I do think that he has some kind of an anxiety problem that is being treated by an atypical antipsychotic untested in children. I guess that's "off-off-label". I wish I knew more of the ramifications. From reading accounts of adults with bipolar, they say a lot of mixed things. Sometimes the medication decreases anxiety, sometimes it does nothing, sometimes it makes it worse. Sunny's foster mother has said his medication was the first one that really worked for him, with no side effects, and that it decreased his tantrums and really improved his ability to concentrate in school.

I'm going to rely a lot on our (private) therapist, who is more anti-medication than I am. We'll see what she thinks once he's tapered down to almost half-dosage level. But if the medication is really helping him in school, he'll need to go back to the full dosage.

In other Sunny news, he's been telling some stories!

"Once upon a time. There was a boy named Jeff. He used to live in Georgia. But then he moved to British Columbia. He had some chickens. Aliens killed his chickens with ray guns. Then he went to the future and brought back some chicken eggs. But then the aliens killed his eggs with ray guns. The end."

"Once upon a time, there was a boy named... Jeff. He used to live in ___ but then he moved to North Carolina. Then he went to Jupiter. Then he fell in a black hole and went back through time. The end."

"Once upon a time there was a boy named Jeff. A tornado was coming, so he ran to the basement of his house with his family and his dog. The tornado stopped and everyone was safe. He left the basement. The end."

"One upon a time there was a boy named (you guessed it) Jeff. He went to California and he had a kid and he joined a rock band. The rock band was called The Jonas Brothers (insert our objections about possible copyright infringement). NO, I SAID THEY WERE CALLED THE JONAS BROTHERS NOT THE JEFF BROTHERS! Then his kid came to live with him because his mom died... of old age. The end."

The stories aren't that great, plot-wise. They're the same story seasoned with different nouns. But they show how much Sunny loves new words and mimicry and playing with words. He's always asking what words mean and how to use them.

Sunny Says

I was volunteering to help teach a class this weekend.

The plan was to discuss the meaning of the words "community" and "diversity". The main teacher asked the kids for some examples of diversity, then gave some of her own examples.

"There many kinds of families, too! Some families have a mom and a dad, or two dads, or two moms."

Sunny raised his hand (he's always the classroom eager beaver). "Yes, Sunny?"

"I have THREE moms, but one died."

"Okay, thanks for sharing. Let's talk about other kinds of diversity..."

The teacher handled it well. I do vaguely wonder what people think when he says stuff like that. He's just being his usual straightforward and confident self, of course, but it must be rather confusing.

Fight The Smears: Debunking Taheri on the Obama Troop Withdrawal Hypocrisy Charge

This is going to be kind of a detailed political post. I originally wrote it for a message board. I'm hoping my readers can use it to fight the latest smear against Obama. Please feel free to copy it in its entirety.

-----------
Amir Taheri's article yesterday -- OBAMA TRIED TO STALL GIS' IRAQ WITHDRAWAL -- states that Obama has advocated for a troop withdrawal in public, but in private talks with Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari, he asked for a delay. The implication is that Obama is a treasonous hypocrite who is playing troop withdrawal for political gain.

First of all, the source is suspicious. Taheri is a known liar who makes up sensationalist stories for gullible neocon audiences to email forward each other. He made up a story about Iran last year that ruined his reputation as any kind of journalist. Wiki or Google his name and you'll find out pretty quickly. The NY Post is also known for sensationalist right-wing stories.

But let's take his charge seriously for a minute. Is it true?

On June 16th, Obama did meet with Foreign Minister Zebari. McCain met with Zebari the very same week. Obama has met with other Iraqi officials since then. So has McCain. These meetings are highly publicized. Obama gave a public press conference immediately after the June 16th meeting, where he went over what was said during the meeting. I repeat, neither the McCain nor Obama meetings have been secret.

Now, I'm going to quote Taheri's article. Pay close attention to the word "agreement", "demand for delay" and "status of troops".

"According to Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari, Obama made his demand for delay a key theme of his discussions with Iraqi leaders in Baghdad in July.

'He asked why we were not prepared to delay an agreement until after the US elections and the formation of a new administration in Washington,' Zebari said in an interview.

Obama insisted that Congress should be involved in negotiations on the status of US troops - and that it was in the interests of both sides not to have an agreement negotiated by the Bush administration in its 'state of weakness and political confusion.'

'However, as an Iraqi, I prefer to have a security agreement that regulates the activities of foreign troops, rather than keeping the matter open.' Zebari says."

Did Zebari actually say that? Very likely. But he was talking about something completely different from troop withdrawal. The Status of Forces Agreement is a military legal term. Here's the Wikipedia definition:

"The SOFA is intended to clarify the terms under which the foreign military is allowed to operate. Typically, purely military issues such as the locations of bases and access to facilities are covered by separate agreements. The SOFA is more concerned with the legal issues associated with military individuals and property. This may include issues like entry and exit into the country, tax liabilities, postal services, or employment terms for host-country nationals, but the most contentious issues are civil and criminal jurisdiction over the bases. For civil matters, SOFAs provide for how civil damages caused by the forces will be determined and paid. Criminal issues vary, but the typical provision in U.S. SOFAs is that U.S. courts will have jurisdiction over crimes committed either by a servicemember against another servicemember or by a servicemember as part of his or her military duty, but the host nation retains jurisdiction over other crimes."

We have no Status of Forces Agreement with Iraq.

This is understandably quite frustrating for the Iraqis. American citizens are essentially above the law. Those Blackwater contractors who flippantly massacred a bunch of civilians at a traffic stop last year, for example, weren't tried in an Iraqi court. The Abu Ghraib torturers weren't tried in an Iraqi court.

Even in allied countries where we do have a Status of Forces Agreement, it's a very complicated and potentially explosive issue. One example this year is the Michael Brown attempted rape case in Okinawa. It spurred attempts to make major revisions to the U.S.-Japan Status of Forces Agreement.

Now let's go back and read the Jebari quote again. This time, watch out for "regulates the activities of foreign troops".

"According to Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari, Obama made his demand for delay a key theme of his discussions with Iraqi leaders in Baghdad in July.

'He asked why we were not prepared to delay an agreement until after the US elections and the formation of a new administration in Washington,' Zebari said in an interview.

Obama insisted that Congress should be involved in negotiations on the status of US troops - and that it was in the interests of both sides not to have an agreement negotiated by the Bush administration in its 'state of weakness and political confusion.'

'However, as an Iraqi, I prefer to have a security agreement that regulates the activities of foreign troops, rather than keeping the matter open.' Zebari says."

Obama is simply asking for a delay in the establishment of a Status of Forces Agreement. This is not something that even McCain or Bush would disagree with. Our current policy has been to stall, stall, stall because an SOFA would mean that American troops would no longer be above the law. Cynically, it's in America's best interests not to have an SOFA yet; morally, we really should have one. But then, morally (and practically) we shouldn't have gone there in the first place.

Why is he asking for a delay? Here's a quote from an MSNBC article from June 16th. Keep an eye out for some interesting parallels to the Taheri smear. Watch for the word "weak".

"In response to a question about how much flexibility there would be to withdrawal plans, Obama said he still believed U.S. forces could be out of the country within about 16 months and that 'I've also consistently said that I will consult with military commanders on the ground and that we will always be open to the possibility of tactical adjustments. The important thing is to send a clear signal to the Iraqi people and most importantly to the Iraqi leadership that the U.S. occupation in Iraq is finite, it is gonna be coming to a foreseeable end.'

He said he told Zebari that negotiations for a Status of Forces agreement or strategic framework agreement between the two countries should be done in the open and with Congress's authorization and that it was important that that there be strong bipartisan support for any agreement so that it can be sustained through a future administration. He argued it would make sense to hold off on such negotiations until the next administration.

'My concern is that the Bush administration--in a weakened state politically--ends up trying to rush an agreement that in some ways might be binding to the next administration, whether it was my administration or Sen. McCain's administration,' Obama said. 'The foreign minister agreed that the next administration should not be bound by an agreement that's currently made.'"

Wow. Notice that Obama makes his point in an extremely diplomatic and transparent fashion, and even includes the contingency of McCain winning.

But today, true to form, the McCain campaign immediately takes the low road. According to a post at Politico, they're rubbing the Taheri smear all over themselves, hooting, and flinging crap at the press hoping that some of it will stick.

"McCain aide Randy Scheunemann, however, attacked Obama based on the Post column.

'At this point, it is not yet clear what official American negotiations Senator Obama tried to undermine with Iraqi leaders, but the possibility of such actions is unprecedented. It should be concerning to all that he reportedly urged that the democratically-elected Iraqi government listen to him rather than the US administration in power,' he said. 'If news reports are accurate, this is an egregious act of political interference by a presidential candidate seeking political advantage overseas. Senator Obama needs to reveal what he said to Iraq's Foreign Minister during their closed door meeting. The charge that he sought to delay the withdrawal of Americans from Iraq raises serious questions about Senator Obama's judgment and it demands an explanation.'"

Let's wrap it up:

1) Obama has not interfered in diplomatic relations with Iraq anymore than McCain has. Both are U.S. Senators who have involvement with foreign relations. Both have met privately with top Iraqi officials.
2) Taheri pretends that the word "agreement" means "troop withdrawal", when it really means "the legal status of American forces in Iraq".
3) Obama's position on the SOFA is probably not substantially different than McCain or Bush.
4) Taheri's piece is a lie masquerading as a smear masquerading as an opinion piece masquerading as investigative journalism.

Please copy, paste and forward as much as you want.

A Sunny Future

Good news on the pain in my side. I exercised several times last week and did a particularly strenuous class on Saturday. On Sunday I felt like I'd been hit with a baseball bat multiple times in the torso. But today my side feels great! The pain is at the lowest level in months, and I can inhale deeply all I want!

Saturday was also a date night. I think it's only the second date night we've had since becoming parents. We went to to an Ethiopian restaurant then saw Cthulhu. I was quite curious to see it after reading this account of the filming. The movie wasn't bad! Not really great, but not bad either. I recommend reading the article if you've ever been involved with movie production; otherwise, it's probably too long and esoteric.

During our kid-free date night, the topic of conversation was of course... the kid. We came to some really positive conclusions. The goal is to have Sunny working up to his potential in school by the time he becomes a teenager. Six years sounds like enough time.

This is assuming he doesn't have "real" ADHD. On the other hand, he might really have the same kind of genetic ADHD that runs in my family. If that's the case, my expectations are going to be a bit different (though not necessarily lower). But at this point, we think it's most likely that if he can work through emotional and anxiety issues over the next six years -- the ones producing symptoms that mirror ADHD -- he'll be at the point where he doesn't need any drugs or major special accommodations to succeed academically.

Guy remarked on how social he is. When we take him to school he always has a smile or wave for the other kids. They all smile and wave back and call him by name.

It's a contrast to a very recent NY Times Magazine article I read about kids diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It does a good job outlining the conflicting theories about bipolar in children. Pretty terrifying stuff. Most of the parents featured in that article were ridiculously rich, throwing money at their problems and still going through hell. It makes me sad to think about the other kids, the ones who live in low-income neighborhoods in New York. Most of them probably end up in prison, which nowadays is the low-income person's only available mental health facility.

I think there are three systems for psychiatric treatment of children. There's one for parents with money that's described in the article. There's another one for parents without money, where parents don't have the resources to get the right diagnoses, treatments or medications. And then the one for foster care kids, in which they're both underdiagnosed and undertreated AND overdiagnosed and overmedicated. It's the worst of both worlds.

I am so far quite unhappy with the quality of treatment under Medicaid we're getting for Sunny. I have to stick with it. We can compensate for it in other ways... for now.

It all gets back to the election. If Obama doesn't win, we're going to be totally screwed.

36-degree Curve

I received a dispiriting diagnosis today. The pain in my side is related to scoliosis, it's not going to get any better and there's not much I can do about it.

As background, I was diagnosed with scoliosis at a young age. I inherited it from my mother. Her curve is very pronounced. In her 40s, she had an operation that stiffened her back by screwing her spine to three steel rod implants. Until I reached adolescence I wore a special orthopedic brace every night in the hopes of arresting my curve so that it wouldn't get as bad as my mother's.

Scoliosis isn't that bad, as far as congenital deformities go. It's pretty common for women. It never slowed my mother down, before or after her operation. As far as my spine, no one can tell in public; I compensate with posture.

On the other hand, I do hate having it. I'm already tall, but without the scoliosis, I'd be at least an inch taller. The brace I used to have to wear looked horrific. My stepfather called it "The Iron Maiden". It encased my hips and waist in thick, rigid plastic, then steel rods in the front and back connected the hips to a steel core foam-wrapped collar. When it was hot, the plastic was sweaty; when it was cold the exposed steel would give me nasty chills. I stoically climbed into it and strapped it on almost every night for five years. I was very grateful I didn't have to wear it during the day.

I wish we'd thought to save my records and remember my final spinal curve number from when I was a teenager. I think it's gotten worse in the last few years.

In the last six months I've noticed a stabbing pain in my side that comes and goes. It's not like a typical backache. I've just determined it's a scoliosis-related problem. The side-to-side curve of my spine is causing the ribs on the right side to spread apart too much, and the muscle between some of the ribs is complaining.

It also turns out there's nothing I can do about it. It got really bad for a while because of all the coughing I was doing when I had the long cold. Taking a deep breath felt like someone was punching me in the chest. Now it seems to be going away, but if I exercise (a rare occurrence) it comes back.

The doctor did say that exercising more will eventually help. I absolutely need to start doing flexibility training on a regular basis. If that doesn't help things, I can try targeted physical therapy. I'll go back next year and see if my curve gets any worse. If it gets much past 40 degrees, I'll probably need surgery. It's a depressing prospect. I really don't want to live with this pain for the rest of my life. And even though I can do things to manage the pain, there's absolutely nothing that can be done about the curve. Whether it stays the same or gets worse is all encoded in my genes.

On the bright side, I have very good health in other areas. And I can carry Sunny around on piggyback, which my husband can't do! My mother has lived with worse, so I guess I'll just have to learn to have a good attitude about this.

Special Appeal

These last few days have been a wake-up call for me. We can't coast to victory. If anyone who's reading this blog is an Obama supporter, donate, donate, donate, volunteer, get out and register voters.

I don't want to be a doomsayer, but I think the highest thing at stake here is the survival of the human race. McCain with his insane foreign policy is about 1000% more likely to start WWIII than Obama. The many other ways in which an Obama administration will be better... it all kind of pales in comparison.

If you're on the fence, I'm going to enclose some material here about Obama touching on issues faced by parents of children from the foster care system.

Also, here's a link to foster care alumni advocate and blogger Larry Adams (aka PrairieGuy), ex-Republican and Obama supporter.


From the campaign fact sheet:

Barack Obama is a committed advocate for children. He will make sure that every child has health insurance, expand educational opportunities for low-income children, extend resources for low-income families, support and supplement our struggling foster care system, and protect children from violence and neglect.

Health Cover Every Child: Barack Obama is committed to making sure every child has health insurance. Forty-seven million Americans lack health coverage, including nine million children. Obama has a plan to sign legislation providing quality, affordable health care to all Americans by the end of his first term. Obama’s health plan will mandate coverage of children.

A History of Expanding Health Care to Children: As a state senator, Obama sponsored and helped pass legislation that expands Illinois’ KidCare program which provided coverage to 150,000 parents and their children.

Expand Medicaid and SCHIP: Together, Medicaid and the State Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) provide health coverage for one in four of our nation’s children. Currently, over 28 million children are enrolled in Medicaid, the nation’s major source of health coverage for low-income people. SCHIP, which targets low-income uninsured children who do not qualify for Medicaid, covers 6 million additional children. Obama will expand eligibility for the Medicaid and SCHIP programs and ensure that these programs continue to serve their critical safety net function.

Promote Healthy Lifestyles: One out of every 3 children and adolescents—25 million—are overweight and obese because of excessive food intake and lack of physical activity. How a community is designed (its roads, buildings and parks) can have a huge impact on the health of residents, especially children. For instance, nearly one-third of Americans live in neighborhoods without sidewalks, and less than half of our country’s children have a playground within walking distance of their homes. This lack of a safe place to walk and play is a major contributor to the growing numbers of overweight children. Obama introduced the Healthy Places Act to help state and local governments assess the health impact of new policies or projects, whether it is a new highway or shopping center. Once the health impact is determined, the bill gives grant funding and technical assistance to help address potential health problems.

Protect Children and Families from Lead Poisoning: Lead is a neurotoxin and especially harmful to developing nervous systems of fetuses and young children. There are currently 400,000 children suffering from lead poisoning in the U.S. Obama has fought to get the Environmental Protection Agency to publish long overdue rules for how contractors involved in the renovation and remodeling of homes should deal with lead paint hazards. He introduced the Lead-Free Toys Act to require the Consumer Product Safety Commission to ban any children's product containing lead. Obama also introduced legislation that would help protect children from lead poisoning by requiring all non-home-based child care facilities, including Head Start programs and kindergartens, to be lead-safe within five years. The legislation would also establish a $42.6 million grant program to help local communities pay to make these facilities safe.

Help Autistic Americans and their Families: Barack Obama believes that we must do more to help support Americans with ASD, their families, and their communities. Throughout his career, Barack Obama has worked with families affected by ASD to raise awareness and to provide support to parents and families living with ASD. As president, Obama will build on these many years of advocacy and ensure that his administration prioritizes ASD research, public awareness, and lifelong support services. Obama will seek to increase federal ASD funding for research, treatment, screenings, public awareness, and support services to $1 billion annually by the end of his first term in office. Obama will also continue to work with parents, physicians, providers, researchers, and schools to create opportunities and effective solutions for people with ASD.

Education Expand Early Childhood Education: Research shows that half of low-income children start school up to two years behind their peers in preschool skills and that these early achievement gaps continue throughout elementary school. Obama has been a champion of early childhood education since his years in the Illinois legislature, where he led the effort to create the Illinois Early Learning Council. Obama has introduced a comprehensive “Zero to Five” plan to provide critical supports to young children and their parents by investing $10 billion per year to create: Early Learning Challenge Grants to stimulate and help fund state “zero to five” efforts; quadruple the number of eligible children for Early Head Start and increase Head Start funding and improve quality for both; work to ensure all children have access to pre-school; provide affordable and highquality child care that will promote child development and ease the burden on working families; and create a Presidential Early Learning Council to increase collaboration and program coordination across federal, state, and local levels.

Expand Summer Learning Opportunities: Differences in learning opportunities during the summer contribute to the achievement gaps that separate minority or low-income students from their white or middle class peers Obama’s “STEP UP” plan addresses the learning and achievement gaps among grade-school children. The “STEP UP” program supports summer learning and enrichment opportunities for disadvantaged children through partnerships between local schools and community organizations.

Expand High-Quality Afterschool Opportunities: Expanding access to high-quality afterschool programs will help children learn and strengthen a broad range of skills and provide relief to working parents who have to juggle child care and work responsibilities. A recent survey found that African American parents have a higher demand for afterschool than other parents and struggle more to find quality afterschool options. Barack Obama will double funding for the main federal support for afterschool programs, the 21st Century Learning Centers program, to serve one million more children. Obama will include measures to maximize performance and effectiveness across grantees nationwide.

Low-Income Families Expand the Earned Income Tax Credit: In the Illinois State Senate, Obama led the successful effort to create the $100 million Illinois Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC). As president, Obama will reward work by increasing the number of working parents eligible for EITC benefits, increasing the benefit available to parents who support their children through child support payments, increasing the benefit for families with three or more children and reducing the EITC marriage penalty which hurts low-income families. Under the Obama plan, full-time workers making minimum wage would get an EITC benefit up to $555, more than three times greater than the $175 benefit they get today. If the workers are responsibly supporting their children on child support, the Obama plan would give those workers a benefit of $1,110. The Obama plan would also increase the EITC benefit for those families that are most likely to be in poverty – families with three or more children.

Strengthen Fatherhood and Families: Since 1960, the number of American children without fathers in their lives has quadrupled, from 6 million to more than 24 million. Children without fathers in their lives are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime, nine times more likely to drop out of school, and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. Obama has re-introduced the Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act to remove some of the government penalties on married families, crack down on men avoiding child support payments, ensure that support payments go to families instead of state bureaucracies, fund support services for fathers and their families, and support domestic violence prevention efforts. As president, Obama will sign this bill into law and continue to implement innovative measures to strengthen families.

Expand the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit: The Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit provides too little relief to families that struggle to afford child care expenses. Currently the credit only covers up to 35 percent of the first $3,000 of child care expenses a family incurs for one child and the first $6,000 for a family with two or more children. And the credit is not refundable, which means that upper-income families disproportionately benefit while families who make under $50,000 a year receive less than a third of the tax credit. Barack Obama will reform the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit by making it refundable and allowing low-income families to receive up to a 50 percent credit for their child care expenses.

Support Parents with Young Children: As president, Obama will expand the highly-successful Nurse- Family Partnership to all low-income, first-time mothers. The Nurse-Family Partnership provides home visits by trained registered nurses to low-income expectant mothers and their families. The trained nurses use proven methods to help improve the mental and physical health of the family by providing counseling on substance abuse, creating and achieving personal goals, and effective methods of nurturing children. Proven benefits of these types of programs include improved women’s prenatal health, a reduction in childhood injuries, fewer unintended subsequent pregnancies, increased father involvement and women’s employment, reduced use of welfare and food stamps, and increased children’s school readiness. Researchers at the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis concluded that these programs produced an average of five dollars in savings for every dollar invested and produced more than $28,000 in net savings for every high-risk family enrolled in the program. The Obama plan would assist approximately 570,000 first-time mothers each year.

Expand Paid Sick Days: Half of all private sector workers have no paid sick days and the problem is worse for employees in low-paying jobs, where less than a quarter receive any paid sick days. Barack Obama will require that employers provide seven paid sick days per year.

Support and Supplement Our Struggling Foster Care System: The foster care system is failing children who need help the most. Obama recognizes that part of the solution is to increase the quantity of foster homes, improve training for foster parents and increase coordination between law enforcement and child welfare officials so that abuse can be stopped. Young adults graduating from foster care often have a rough time living independently. One study found that within two to four years only 54% had completed high school, less than half had jobs and 25% had experienced homelessness. Obama will invest in innovative new job training and workforce development programs that will provide those in foster care with the skills necessary to compete in the modern American workforce.

PROTECT WOMEN AND CHILDREN Reduce Domestic Violence: One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. Obama will protect women and children from domestic violence. He introduced legislation to combat domestic violence by providing $25 million a year for partnerships between domestic violence prevention organizations and fatherhood or marriage programs to train staff in domestic violence services, provide services to families affected by domestic violence, and to develop best practices in domestic violence prevention.

Prevent Child Abuse and Neglect: There are nearly three million annual reports of child abuse and neglect. The tragedy of child abuse claims thousands of innocent lives each year, while ruining millions more. Moreover, it has been estimated that the direct cost to taxpayers of child protection and foster care is $20 billion, while another $100 billion is spent on issues related to child abuse, including crime, prisons, mental health, special education, medical care, and drug abuse. Obama is committed to preventing child abuse and supports proven and effective means to combat the tragedy of child abuse.

Register and Restrict Sex Offenders: Barack Obama helped create a national sex offender database through his cosponsorship of Dru’s Law. The law was incorporated into the larger Adam Walsh Child Protection Act, a measure Obama also supported. Obama also consponsored the Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act. The bill is set to bring stiffer penalties to bear against those who commit sex crimes against children under the age of 12. It also creates an online National Sex Offender Public Registry and gives grants to local law enforcement agencies for prevention and investigation. Obama supports the KIDS Act, which requires sex offenders to provide their Internet identifiers (email addresses, instant messaging tags, etc.) for use in the National Sex Offender Public Registry.

Protect Meth’s Youngest Victims: Children living in or visiting methamphetamine labs not only face great physical danger from chemical contamination and fire and explosions, but they are at a heightened risk for abuse, neglect, and continued social and developmental problems. Obama cosponsored legislation providing assistance to the children of methamphetamine abusers in the U.S. Senate, and he will continue to support meth’s youngest victims as president.

One mother's perspective on special education:

Obama and Education
by CatM
Sat Sep 06, 2008 at 03:15:57 PM PDT

We live in NJ, which has the highest per capita rate of autistic disorders in the nation. I have three children, two with Asperger's/ADHD and one ADHD/probable PDD-NOS. For those unfamiliar with such terminology, ADHD = attention deficit disorder and Asperger's is akin to high-functioning autism; PDD-NOS is pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified, meaning someone with autistic traits but insufficient in number to merit a diagnosis.

You might think that McCain's promises of letting us choose our children's schools would hold a lot of appeal for mothers like me. After all, the struggle to obtain the educational considerations my children need is exhausting and often disheartening. The private schools for kids with Asperger's in my area are out of reach, at $35,000 a year. I know McCain's promises are empty, which is why I prefer Obama on education for my special needs children.

I reviewed the education platforms of each candidate. Like McCain's speeches, his is vague, stocked with catchphrases to appeal to his base; these aren't policy ideas--they're platitudes.

Education was never a McCain priority. As states axed programs to finance No Child Left Behind mandates--a policy McCain supports--McCain voted against full funding. His new platform calls for greater funding for NCLB, yet it also expands programs that shift money from public schools to private schools--a program many can't take advantage of; tell me how a $3,000 grant is going to enable me to afford the $35,000 annual tuition (each kid) for the local schools in NJ that teach kids with AS.

The chief focus of McCain's "policy" is giving states money so they can competitively bid against one another for the top graduates in education, once again leaving poorer school districts with the short end of the stick. He plans to offer $4,000 credits to parents who use virtual learning; this includes $4,000 for homeschoolers who provide their children with "virtual learning" opportunities. This smells suspiciously like the Bush plan that funded private organizations who wanted to provide health programs. Conservative and fringe religious groups, eager to get a bite of that pie, sprouted up with programs everywhere that were covert opportunities to sneak religion into our children's curriculum.

In contrast, Obama--with 2 school-aged daughters of his own--recognizes the disaster of NCLB and its negative impact on our kids. As a result of NCLB's reliance on standardized testing, our schools ignore learning and social problems in children, provided they can pass their tests; they can't afford to do otherwise.

As an example, kids with Asperger's (AS) perform well on these tests early on, so the school says academically they don't need assistance. As kids with AS age and classes require more deductive reasoning, their test scores in several areas drop. Only if they drop below average will the school intervene. Meanwhile, years have gone by that could have prevented these kids from ever reaching the point where they struggle hopelessly to answer questions like "What does Susie feel when she loses her ball?" Standardized tests stress all children, but especially those with learning disorders.

NCLB forces schools to consume valuable resources that could have funded programs for kids with autism disorders. Though I live in a state where 1 out of 94 children has an autism disorder, our district funds 0 programs for these kids.

What will Obama do? His plan

...include[s] funds for states to implement a broader range of assessments that can evaluate higher-order skills, including students’ abilities to use technology, conduct research, engage in scientific investigation, solve problems, present and defend their ideas.

This is the key to change in education. Broader assessments are fundamental, because today's narrow tests fail to capture the problems many of these kids have. So many kids with ADHD and/or AS have trouble with higher-order skills, but it may not drag down academic performance notably until high school or college, contributing to high drop out rates. Recognizing and addressing these problems early on, preventing them from becoming a burden, will greatly improve our children's ability to succeed.

Obama also wants to expand summer learning opportunities. My sons' school offers summer learning opportunities--but only for kids who are 'regressing.' They denied funding for my sons to attend a social skills camp for kids with Asperger's this summer because one showed progress compared with last year and the other did not regress on his standardized test (just in every other aspect of school). And any way, the law only requires the school to address academic struggles, not social ones (unless they are disruptive). Obama wants to expand child care credits, too; this will let working parents with lower incomes better afford programs and camps for their special needs kids.

The current system fails because it makes no effort to prevent failure, only to try to reverse it. NCLB forces schools to care more about ensuring kids succeed annually on those tests than ensuring they succeed in life. I am especially impressed with Obama's plan to increase funding that will allow schools to stop using cookie-cutter lesson plans and instead tailor programs to individual student needs.

As always, McCain offers more of the same--tax credits for people who will qualify only if they can afford private schools in the first place. They certainly won't help people like me. McCain's plan will hurt my children by diverting money from their schools that is needed to implement autism and other programs for kids with learning disabilities whose struggles go beyond academic.

Obama places a high value on math and science in his program, two areas where children with Asperger's often excel. He rightly points out that our country lacks qualified workers. Many successful people are theorized to have shown signs of autistic disorders. It could greatly benefit society to help schools find ways to educate children with spectrum disorders rather than letting these kids fall by the wayside, unable to keep up with the struggle of a one-size-fits-all curriculum. I believe Obama recognizes this.

As for McCain? His educational plan is thin, indicating the importance it will have in his administration. As a VP candidate, he picked someone who wants to teach creationism in schools and exclude sex education. This says the most about how much McCain values educating our children.

New Therapist Progress Report

Luckily, I can sneak in non-Medicaid therapy under my own health insurance. We took Sunny to the new therapist today. She's a generalist, like the old therapist, but she strikes me as much more on top of things. The major difference: 1) when she wanted to talk about Sunny, she had him leave the room with Guy or me -- no talking over his head 2) she engaged directly with him. We did a bit of play therapy, discussed a recurring nightmare he's been having and just generally talked.

His nightmare is that a bad man cuts off his foot with a chainsaw. During the session, she coaxed a few more details out of him. Who cut his foot off? One of those bad men with chainsaws that cuts people's feet off. Did he see the bad man in a movie? No, he didn't watch those kinds of movies because they were scary. What happened after that man cut his foot off? Some people took him to the hospital and gave him a new foot. They found the bad man and put him in jail. Then they took Sunny home. And he never ever left home again, so he would stay safe.

As Guy said... heavy stuff.

The fact that Sunny can't play alone, even in the same room as us, is equally irritating to Guy and myself. I can deal with the irritation better than Guy, however. It's also a problem in school, because he shadows the teacher and constantly asks for her attention. I always had a sense that this problem was connected to anxiety. I just don't have high expectations for Sunny being able to play alone for quite a while. But the therapist really explained the link in a way that made sense.

Sunny has experienced a lot of complicated losses. If he sits still and thinks, they'll come to the surface of his mind. So he doesn't want to think about them. If he's distracted, he doesn't think about them. When other people play with him, he's distracted.

Guy mentioned afterwards how Sunny will often talk about things in his past when he's in the car. A faraway look will come over his eyes. In the car, sometimes he has to sit still and think.

So although Sunny is very articulate, confident, social, talkative and empathetic, he doesn't really know how to soothe himself. We have to help him get to the point where he can simply be with himself.

The other major insight is that Sunny doesn't really have a story of himself. The therapist said that most children at the age of six are able to tell a story about themselves. Sunny, despite his intelligence and creativity, has major problems in this area. He understands everything that's happened to him, but he can't put those things together into a narrative. They're like isolated facts. They're beads spilled on the floor, not strung together.

This felt very true, and very sad.

She prescribed more of what we're doing, and more time. Also, trying to get him to have short periods of "quiet time". We'd tried that before, but he absolutely hated it and kept complaining and fidgeting and fussing. She said to try again, even if for a very short period, and use music as an aid. We have another appointment coming up where we'll talk more. Today was only an hour.

I think this information is going to help Guy manage his irritation with some of Sunny's clinginess. It's an eye-opener for both of us, though. Very helpful. Much better than the previous advice, which basically amounted to "You're fine, go away, take two aspirin and call us back if he burns down your house or something".

Television on the Internet Progress Report

We haven't had TV for a month now. At our old house, we had a $65 a month satellite bill. I have my iMac in my bedroom for.com Hulu and iTunes, and we also have a Netflix Roku in the living room. Eventually I want to get a Mac mini and hook it up to the TV in the living room.

Sunny watches a lot less TV than he used to in his foster home, but he really doesn't seem to miss it. This morning I set him up to watch two episodes of Spider-Man on the iMac in my bedroom. I like this set-up because it reduces the amount of commercials he watches. Even with a DVR, I used to have to pay really close attention to edit out the commercials. There are only a few commercials on Hulu and they're geared to adults anyway.

My new favorite TV show is The Riches. It's AWESOME. I love Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver and I love the whole subterranean ethnic minority aspect of the show. The season one finale had me on the edge of my bed! I'm starting to watch Season Two on iTunes, which unfortunately I have to pay for. I have to confess, I have looked into filesharing downloads, but I don't know if I have the time to set it up in a secure way. I'm fine with paying for my favorite shows as long as I'm still paying less than with cable.

Netflix has Weeds on-demand, so we gave that a try. In the first episode, I felt like I was being assaulted. The characters kept gossiping about an Asian woman who was sleeping with someone's husband. References to her exotic sex secrets, the phrases "Oriental p*ssy" and "me love you long time"... my tolerance for racist crap is actually pretty high as long the show or movie is good, but this one wasn't. Guy kept watching a few more episodes, but I went off to make a quiche and just looked in now and then. I perked up when the Asian woman came on-screen. Maybe she'd prove everyone wrong and... and... nope, she's a slutty whore-slut who's not ashamed to be a slutty slut-whore.

The black people on the show were also made out of cardboard. The black woman is sassy! Super sassy! She calls Mary-Louise Parker "snowflake" and insults her a lot, but because the nice white lady gracefully puts up with the sassing, they all totally respect her! The black guy buys expensive rims for his hooptie on eBay... because that's what black people do! Isn't that funny!

It was clear that the white characters were allowed to have unique quirks and flaws, but everyone else just had stupid racist quirks and flaws. I really hate that. Why not have a slutty Asian MAN? Or a depressed, pill-popping, shopaholic black woman? The show would really have been much more watchable if all the characters were white. My husband gave up on it too. It's just not that entertaining.

I watched the Sons of Anarchypremiere last night and actually liked it, even though all the non-white characters were disposable -- literally disposable. It's basically a crime drama, so somehow, that doesn't bother me as much as all the crap in that inexplicably popular Weeds show.

Sunny loves the Walking with Dinosaurs and Chased by Dinosaurs specials. These are kind of a pain because he can't watch them without us, because they're too scary, but he absolutely loves them. I think they're cool too, so I don't mind watching them over and over again as long as it's for short periods. He also likes Spider-Man, Jackie Chan Adventures and Astroboy. Then there's the Scooby Doo cartoon movies. God, I hate those things. I was never a big Scooby Doo fan, but Sunny is nuts over them. He's seen Aloha Scooby Doo about ten times. His favorite phrase, as he's very fond of reminding us, is "you meddling mainlanders!"

We got him the "Happy to be Nappy" DVD which has really nice shorts focusing on respecting difference. Since it doesn't have dinosaurs, exploding robots or surfing monsters, Sunny wasn't too interested, but he did pay attention on and off and I tried to reinforce the messages.

Long Weekend Update

Labor Day weekend was jam-packed full of activities. It was very tiring. I know this may disturb Guy to read this, but part of the stress was having his father visiting from out of state.

My own father has mellowed out quite a bit with old age. The last time he tried to physically discipline his adult child (me, shoving) was more than a decade ago. I have a good relationship with him, and he's also great with Sunny.

Guy's father may have gotten worse. I don't know. Guy remembers him as a really great dad. I know for sure that he successfully imparted the value of hard work and staying out of jail. That seems like kind of a low standard, but way too many parents don't make enough effort in that area.

But my father-in-law is always putting people down. He puts down his ex-wife, his daughter and his son. He builds me up, but I'm sure he's putting me down behind my back. In fact, he sort of does it to my face, with back-handed compliments. He told me, "I have to hand it to you, I didn't think you had a lot of maternal instinct but it turns out you're a great mom." If I had even half an ounce of his regard for his judgment, I'd be insulted, but I had no problem ignoring it.

He's always talking about what a loser his son is, and what a great move Guy made marrying me, because I rescued him from being a loser. After you tell a "joke" like this about fifty times, it stops being funny and turns into an unhealthy obsession. I married my husband because I love and respect him, not because I'm some kind of freaking missionary. Then he'll switch to compliment mode and tell Guy how great and successful he is, not like his sister, who's such a loser, and he's so proud of the way Guy turned out and depressed about the way his sister turned out. You see the pattern? Every compliment is an excuse to tear someone else down. He'll talk about how puzzled he is about why his daughter has such low self-esteem -- oh, was it something he did? -- and I have to bite my lips each time. If he was this way when they were growing up, it's a miracle either of them had any self-esteem at all.

Again, I don't know that. I do know his personality changed a lot around the time he was divorced. I'm hoping it changes again soon, because as he is now, he's pretty hard to put up with. And I don't trust him with Sunny. At one point after an outing, he said, "You've got a lot of patience -- I felt like hitting him with a blunt object". Typical back-handed compliment. It didn't come off as funny a la Bernie Mac (by the way, I really liked his show and was sad to hear about his death). It just came off as mean-spirited. Yes, Sunny's attention-seeking and boundary-testing behavior can get annoying, but there are so many more positive things about him. For the first time he meets his grandson, can't he set aside the negative? It's not like Sunny is having screaming fits or setting fires, he's just abnormally persistent when he wants you to play Uno with him.

Luckily, my mom was around most of the weekend as well, which took some of the weight off my shoulders.

Again, I just have to hope that he starts forming a more stable image of other people (and himself) and stops this wearisome good guy/bad guy game he's always playing.

In non-father-in-law news, Sunny is doing well, but he's been wetting himself more during the day. It's never a lot, so it's probably going undetected at school. He says he does it on the way to the bathroom because he needs to go so bad he can't make it all the way to the bathroom. I've reminded him again and again, don't wait until you really have to go, go before... but I think some of it is due to anxiety and is beyond conscious control.

After school, he's getting reminders every 30-60 minutes to "drain his tank". Even if he says he doesn't need to go, I ask him to just go in the bathroom, assume the position and count to ten. Sometimes I hear a flush, so it works. I'm also buying him a vibrating watch from a bedwetting specialty store. I'm going to set it to off every hour as a silent reminder to excuse himself at school. From Googling around it seems daytime wetting is often associated with ADHD... kids get such a tight focus sometimes they forget about their bladders until it's too late.

His behavior has been mixed at school. I talk to his teacher a lot. He does the same thing to her he does to us: follow us around like a shadow and constantly asks for attention. The short attention span and attention seeking are getting him some bad behavior marks, but I'm confident the teacher is holding him to realistic standards. We're working on a 504 plan. As long as he pays attention, his academics are great. He gets concepts more quickly than most of the other kids, and she has to compensate for the fact that he often finishes his work before everyone else.

She says he's popular with the other kids, which I expected. They get exasperated with him sometimes, but really like him because he's outgoing and always has fun ideas to share.

He got a very good behavior mark yesterday AND had dry underpants! Yay! If he gets at least one other good mark, he gets his usual weekend 30-minute video game allowance.

I'm kicking his swimming lessons up to twice a week. This is more for my benefit: I'm going to do some water aerobics and laps while he's taking his lessons. He can take or leave his lesson: what he really loves is playing in the kiddie pool afterwards.

We had another interesting talk about race in the car. It's a subject that hasn't come up for a couple weeks. He was asking about Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln, so they must have been talking about them in school. I told him that Martin Luther King was an important African-American leader, that African-American was kind of like another word for black, and that Sunny was also African-American. He said "No I'm not", but it sounded tentative. I know it's a statement he didn't really believe, he just wanted to hear my reaction. I just said, "Yes you are" and moved on with my explanation.

He wanted to know where they each were killed and why they were killed. I told him that bad people, racists who didn't like black people, killed Martin Luther King. He said, "then I guess they wouldn't like me!" I told him that he didn't have to worry, because we didn't live near any racists, and I'd always keep an eye out for them. If there were racists around us, we'd have to move to get away from them. He asked if we could move back to his home state next to his foster family, because there weren't any racists there either.

I didn't react much to that statement. I know he has a utopian vision of us and his foster family all living together in the same house. Once, they joked about moving to Georgia, and he got very excited and hopeful. He doesn't want to leave us and go back to live with them... he's more ambitious than that! He wants to live with both families at the same time.

And I know saying "there are no racists here" is simplistic, but practically speaking, around where we live, any white people who dislike black people are rather lackadaisical about it. The more energetic ones moved away decades ago.

As I've said before, I don't want to have any long serious talks about race and racism and being multiracial until a) he's familiar with a wide range of African-Americans in real life and has positive images to counteract the negatives b) he feels OK about being black. Not great (that's asking for too much right now) just OK. I think we're progressing fairly well towards both goals.

When we were visiting his foster family after the viewing, one of the older daughters did say one depressing thing, although she told it as kind of a joke. She said that when she was out with Sunny in grocery stores, white people would give her dirty looks and black people would give her the thumbs up.

It's odd for me to put myself in that kind of frame. I'm hyperaware when it comes to race, but I'm also semi-consciously blind to it. If I worried about how people fit me into the racial hierarchy all the time, constantly scanned their faces to see what they thought of me, then I'd go completely nuts. So I really have hardly any conception of how other people view me. I've shut down that part of my social perception. In a crowd, I can't tell when people are staring at me or giving me dirty looks or treating me like the background or viewing me positively, unless they come right up to me and tell me. So I really couldn't tell you what your average Dekalb County-an thinks of me with Sunny. Other than people think he's really cute, of course.

Finally, I'm trying to cut down our grocery bills and cook more often. I already cook a lot, but I buy lunches too much. I signed up for Mealmixer.com and so far it's looking pretty good. With Guy doing shopping and cleaning, I'm spending about 30-40 minutes each morning cooking breakfast for all of us and preparing lunch for Sunny and myself, and then about 30-60 minutes for dinner. It also keeps me on the South Beach diet. This summer I've been eating too many meals at my mother's. She's a ridiculously good cook and makes the most amazing desserts (English style banana custard, French tarte tatins, Indian gulab jaman). I have to cut down on the sugar more and save the desserts for once every few weeks.

Sunny's diet is low-sugar but not low-carb. I cook a regular low-carb meal and give him only a small amount of rice/bread/potatoes. Then when he finishes his meat and veggies, he can eat as much extra rice/bread/potatoes as he wants (which is usually a humongous amount). His special favorite is white rice with soy sauce. And then he gets a dessert of either fruit or plain yogurt with sugarless jam. He eats a bowl of cereal with soy milk for breakfast, plus whatever we eat, plus extra cereal if he's still hungry.

I don't know if this low-sugar diet is really helping with ADHD, but it can't hurt, and I'm sure it's going to help with the dentist bills.

Oh yeah, and politics. I have such a deep lack of interest in hearing about Palin's family. Policy-wise, she's a horrible person. Obama's speech was good, and I need to get back to doing more volunteering and voter registration. That's about it.

Finally, thanks again to all the people who commented and/or offered advice about Sunny's situation and his baby brother. I wish I was better at responding individually to each comment, but I really do appreciate them.