New Therapist Progress Report

Luckily, I can sneak in non-Medicaid therapy under my own health insurance. We took Sunny to the new therapist today. She's a generalist, like the old therapist, but she strikes me as much more on top of things. The major difference: 1) when she wanted to talk about Sunny, she had him leave the room with Guy or me -- no talking over his head 2) she engaged directly with him. We did a bit of play therapy, discussed a recurring nightmare he's been having and just generally talked.

His nightmare is that a bad man cuts off his foot with a chainsaw. During the session, she coaxed a few more details out of him. Who cut his foot off? One of those bad men with chainsaws that cuts people's feet off. Did he see the bad man in a movie? No, he didn't watch those kinds of movies because they were scary. What happened after that man cut his foot off? Some people took him to the hospital and gave him a new foot. They found the bad man and put him in jail. Then they took Sunny home. And he never ever left home again, so he would stay safe.

As Guy said... heavy stuff.

The fact that Sunny can't play alone, even in the same room as us, is equally irritating to Guy and myself. I can deal with the irritation better than Guy, however. It's also a problem in school, because he shadows the teacher and constantly asks for her attention. I always had a sense that this problem was connected to anxiety. I just don't have high expectations for Sunny being able to play alone for quite a while. But the therapist really explained the link in a way that made sense.

Sunny has experienced a lot of complicated losses. If he sits still and thinks, they'll come to the surface of his mind. So he doesn't want to think about them. If he's distracted, he doesn't think about them. When other people play with him, he's distracted.

Guy mentioned afterwards how Sunny will often talk about things in his past when he's in the car. A faraway look will come over his eyes. In the car, sometimes he has to sit still and think.

So although Sunny is very articulate, confident, social, talkative and empathetic, he doesn't really know how to soothe himself. We have to help him get to the point where he can simply be with himself.

The other major insight is that Sunny doesn't really have a story of himself. The therapist said that most children at the age of six are able to tell a story about themselves. Sunny, despite his intelligence and creativity, has major problems in this area. He understands everything that's happened to him, but he can't put those things together into a narrative. They're like isolated facts. They're beads spilled on the floor, not strung together.

This felt very true, and very sad.

She prescribed more of what we're doing, and more time. Also, trying to get him to have short periods of "quiet time". We'd tried that before, but he absolutely hated it and kept complaining and fidgeting and fussing. She said to try again, even if for a very short period, and use music as an aid. We have another appointment coming up where we'll talk more. Today was only an hour.

I think this information is going to help Guy manage his irritation with some of Sunny's clinginess. It's an eye-opener for both of us, though. Very helpful. Much better than the previous advice, which basically amounted to "You're fine, go away, take two aspirin and call us back if he burns down your house or something".