Follow-Up and Miscellaneous

From the therapist (I love quoting emails, it's so easy).

Thanks again for the update.  I wanted to address the issue with visiting your cousin in greater detail than I was able to last night.  First of all, I think it was extremely savvy of you to figure out the emotional connection for [Sunny] between visits with your cousin and his biological mother.  It sounds like you hit the nail on the head and were able to deescalate the situation quickly as a result.  As I mentioned, [Sunny] and I discussed grief and bereavement and read a story about losing a loved one through death.  He seemed interested in the story as he sat quietly throughout, which is unusual for him.  He struggled to talk about the story afterward, likely due to the discomfort he experiences in facing his emotions head on.  We have been and will continue to work on this as I think it is the heart of the issue for him.  To answer your question regarding whether or not he should be allowed to continue with visitation, my answer is most certainly.  It is important to show him he can visit your cousin and say goodbye to her and that the goodbye will not be forever.  I would also encourage you to verbalize this to him (i.e., let him know when you will be coming back) and acknowledge and label his feelings for him (i.e., sad, scared, etc.).  This last part will be extremely important in whatever you are doing as it seems [Sunny] may not always know what he is feeling so the more help he can get with the identification of feelings the better.  Please let me know if you have questions.

I've tried reading books about loss with him before, but it's very difficult.  When we read Everett Anderson's Goodbye, he was crying bitterly by the end of it, and told me he never wanted to read it again because it was too sad.  It's nice to finally have some professional backup and guidance.

However, it's not entirely true I was able to "deescalate the situation quickly".  It took about 30 grinding minutes and felt like an eternity.

To a commenter who asked what medication Sunny is taking: it's a popular atypical antipsychotic that also begins with the letter A. If you look up any reference on that drug class it'll be right there.  That's the only med he's on.  I don't have him on any of the strictly ADHD drugs.  His foster mother tried Adderall at one point, but said it made him "act mean", even though it did improve his ability to concentrate.  Given his generally good academics, and the fact that I don't think he has standard ADHD, I don't want to give him any med that will change his personality, as long as he can get along OK in school with the support of his 504 plan.

Thanks to everyone else who's commented!

Later today, I'm going to start working on a blog post on the media around Haitian "orphan" adoption.  I need to get back to some controversial posts after a long string of just-about-family ones.