Openness in Foster Care Adoptions?
Does anyone know of any resources about openness in foster care adoptions with cases of involuntary TPR?
I've read a fair amount about private open adoptions, but honestly, so much of it doesn't seem applicable in terms of logistics.
We want to maintain contact for when Sunny is older. The key word here is healthy contact. We definitely plan on following the advice of the caseworker, who says that we should keep communication anonymous and through her office. I'd like to start off by writing a letter soon.
It's difficult to work out exactly how we're going to maintain this, given Sunny's maturity level and the problems that afflict his maternal family of origin. Difficult, but not impossible. The best-case scenario is that she turns her life around, but who knows when that could happen?
Sunny has positive but vague memories. He seems to mentally picture a first mom and grandmother in the far-away past, a second mom in the present and a third mom in his future.
I think I'm just going to take it very slowly and postpone most of these issues until Sunny settles in with us. Then we'll have input from therapists, too.
Foster Care System Perspectives
8 comments:
There are some foster-to-adopt families on Open Adoption Support -- you're welcome to post something there.
Also from this survey I'm doing it looks like foster-to-adopt families have more support, information and training about openess post-placement. So hopefully you'll continue to have sympathetic, understanding workers in your life who can help you navigate things as your son grows.
I think waiting until Sunny is with you is a good idea. I have a PACA (Post Adoption Communication Agreement) with Slugger's previous adoptive family. The lawyer had some trouble writing it up because it's typically drawn between a birth and an adoptive family.
I don't have any communication with Slugger's birth parents. Neither of them nor his grandmother have checked on him since 2003. I have however found where his birth mom lives (or at least lived). I'm also keeping tabs on the case file about Slugger's younger sister (who entered foster care last spring, but has been reunited with his birth mom for now). We're not in contact now, but I know Slugger may want to find her someday. So, keeping tabs on her from the background is the best I can do.
You know, I have written "the letter" about nine million times, but have never sent it. One, what if the things she said as he was taken away the last time are how she really feels? Two, Schillinger might be paroled in Spring, and I'm really kind of terrified by that possibility, since he last lived in our small town.
Huckle has the same sort of vague positive memories of his mother, and I know enough about her situation now to know that direct contact is a no-go. What I don't know is how she, or her mother, feel about him. I can project how I would feel if my child were taken away and I didn't hear anything about him for over a year... but. And the only way to know is to contact them, I know, but with all the associated safety issues it is so hard to know.
delurking...
We have been "winging it" for the past 7 to 8 years w/ our open adoption (we adopted from foster care) so my advice would be to take it slow and gradually adjust based on everyone's comfort level. Our daughter's first father visits whenever and as often as he wants but our contact with mom (for now) is through letters and pictures. We are hoping to start w/ visits a couple of times this year and then increase depending on how things work out.
We don't have any formal papers drawn up so it is a lot in our control but since we felt that openness if at all possible was the best way to go we have "navigated" through all the bad stuff to try and make it happen...BUT...this means that EVERYONE has had to make an effort and we have to feel safe at all times.
I did (still do) make herculean efforts to keep in touch(letters, pictures, presents) with both her sisters and this has worked out really well (one just visited us the other day)
All this to say that it can be done but since there are other concerns w/ foster care (since the child was not voluntarily relinquished) that makes traveling the open adoption road a bit more treachearous (sp/?) it should be done very gradually, respectfully and w/ firm boundaries in the beginning.
I too would wait a while after he was w/ you before worrying about it (not to say that it's not important...I obviously believe in it but you will have so much to focus and worry about that it might be something you might want to wait on a little bit).
I'm very happy for you...been reading a while but never commented. Hang in there...the first year will be tough but so worth it! :)
Holy smokes...it took me a while to remember my blogger account info and be able to post!LOL
I forgot to sign it - Eos = Angela C.
Thanks for all your experience and advice on these comments, I really appreciate it.
We keep in contact with Jo's father regularly through phone updates and he can send her letters or gifts (but never has). We currently keep all contact between us and him because his conversations can sometimes still be inappropriate as he struggles with mental health issues.
You might want to do that at first...start with a low level of contact (maybe phone only) until you know that healthy contact must be the rule. Then more contact can be assessed as all parties get to know each other more.
We originally had hoped for an open relationship with our group's parents and extended family. We have since had to cut back on the parents due to abuse allegations from the kids almost 2 years into their homecoming but adore their extended family.
I agree with the others, take it slow. We have a separate line that they can't trace here to our address that is only used for the parents. We had a heart to heart with the Gparents and Aunt/Uncle early on, we would allow visits, calls, and pictures if they kept our children safe. They have been wonderful and I am glad we have been able to provide our children with that part of their family. They even attended the adoption to show the kids they supported them.
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