The Good News Is...

... I got religion!

I attended a Jodo Shinshu Buddhist church during my trip to Hawaii. This was a really good experience. Since then I've been doing a lot of research, preparation, thinking and planning. I think this is the right path for me. This is not quite a conversion, since my family background is sort of Buddhist. In fact, when I was a little kid we once lived in a Buddhist monastery/mission.

It's very hard to explain my reasons and what has brought me to this particular decision. There are both rational and emotional factors. I will go into one major rational factor in a future post. Until then, I'll explain myself in a form of a Q&A.

What is Jodo Shinshu?
A form of Buddhism started in 13th-century Japan. Here's the Wikipedia entry. It comes from the broader Mahayana Pure Land tradition of entrusting yourself to Amida/Amitabha Buddha.

Why does it have a "church"?
In America Jodo Shinshu was first practiced almost exclusively by Japanese-Americans, and during the internment it was decided to call the American organization "Buddhist Churches of America" in order to make it seem less foreign. The BCA is still very directly connected to the home organization in Japan. Here is some more info. Today the BCA is becoming more multi-ethnic.

Is there a church or congregation in Atlanta?
No, unfortunately... There is a Chinese Pure Land organization here, however, and I'm going to make a visit to their library soon. The philosophy is close, but there are a few important differences, so I don't anticipate actually joining them, although I do want to learn more. Until then I'm on my own, except for internet contact. Maybe a group will start up here in the future.

What's the next step?
Reading more, studying more, fixing up my home altar (I had a very basic one before but never did a lot with it), chanting "nembutsu", listening to chants, incorporating more principles into my life. Eventually I'll want to go through the confirmation ceremony at a center such as Kyoto (or possibly New York City) and receive a "dharma name". Or I could just stay an independent practitioner.

What about your family?
I haven't talked to a lot of people about this. I want to take things pretty slow and make sure I know what I'm doing.

Does this mean you believe in reincarnation?
I don't feel the need to believe in literal reincarnation. I'm still an atheist. Perhaps there is a conflict there, but I'm not too worried about it.

Does this mean you're not a Unitarian-Universalist anymore?
No, I'm still a UU. No conflict there at all.

Are you a vegetarian?
I was a vegetarian for three years when I was a teenager. It was hellish. Every single night I dreamed of eating barbecue ribs. You'd think I'd stop having dreams about pork after the first year, but they just kept coming. Today I'm a light meat-eater and I almost never eat beef, but I still wouldn't make a good vegetarian. I might start following a traditional practice of not eating meat on the 16th of every month.

What are the benefits?
As many readers know, I've been really stressed lately. Also, I feel a lingering sense of disappointment over not getting enough things accomplished. My failed PhD attempt. Mysterious infertility. Adoption roadblocks. A job I never blog about because it's so damn boring. I want to be an effective person that creates positive change in the world. At my age (getting into mid-30s) I've only just realized I'm never going to achieve all my goals under my own power. This has been very liberating. At times I've been misguided, fearful, selfish and petty. I accept that. This may sound fatalistic and pessimistic, but believe me, it's not. Instead, I feel like I can finally stop beating myself up. I need to stop throwing up barriers to appreciating the many positive things in my life. I'll still keep trying for my goals!

Will you make any changes to the blog?
I don't foresee any major changes. I'm going to try and balance truth and compassion more, so I won't be quite as sarcastic towards ignorant whackos such as populate our state government, or if I am really sarcastic towards them, I'll at least include a hope they will eventually become less ignorant.



Finally... here's something I could have filed in the "benefits" section. Our family was presented in a staffing this morning. My caseworker emailed me to tell me we should know the results within an hour of the time I write these words. I'm currently not crying, throwing up, constructing elaborate fantasies, gnawing my keyboard or banging my head against the wall. Que será, será.