Foster Care Adoption ARRRRRRRRGH

We have a meeting with the senior caseworker/agency head on Wednesday to address our concerns.

This has been brewing for the last few weeks.

Basically, our caseworker up and quit. This is a woman I trusted, with whom I felt an emotional connection, and I told a lot of very personal things to her, including my worries about how my race would affect the placement process. I learned about her quitting from a third party. I have also been learning that she hasn't done a very good job with us. Our homestudy still says "mild emotional needs" only, and it should say mild to moderate. Basically, any not-too-violent behavior that doesn't require one full stay-at-home parent, we can handle. Our homestudy does not reflect that. It also had an inaccurate younger age range. Remember the ongoing saga Response to a Rejection and Response to a Response to a Rejection? Well, our caseworker's response was also inaccurate. I received the real response this weekend. We were out of the running not because of geography, but because of the age range and because the sibling group presented "more than minor" emotional needs. Everything else in the homestudy was fine, apparently.

I feel stabbed in the back. My normally optimistic husband is also feeling the hurt. Perhaps most of the inquiries (50+) I have sent out for the last five months have been for naught.

My negative feelings start with the fact that we're being treated poorly. No one has bothered to apologize to us yet. I've just heard "turnover is high in this field" as if that was an excuse for not sending us a simple email like "hey your caseworker is leaving". Then when I start to feel aggrieved it triggers guilt instead... it has been hinted, in not so many words, we're selfish for wanting a young (under 8) child. Thank goodness I know people who have already done this. Otherwise I would have dropped out a while back, like I suspect the majority of my class already has, because of the lack of moral support. There's only so far you can push people.

A while back, last year, I wrote a long post based around the Evan. B. Donaldson report on overcoming barriers to adoption from foster care. A lot of my thoughts on the report still apply. I ended it by saying it was important to remind myself that social workers are human beings, not almighty telepathic gatekeepers. However, I am currently in the mindset of reminding myself that social workers are human beings, not lying backstabbing incompetent scum.

I know the root problem is really the low value placed on human services in our society.

I have an online friend who thinks I should switch to the county. There would be a lot more placement opportunities. According to what I have heard locally the drawbacks of the county are: high turnover of workers, low advocacy, chaotic bureaucracy, high probability of being lied to. Since I'm already experiencing those things at my current agency, how much worse can it get? Maybe a little, maybe a lot.

In our meeting Wednesday I am going to politely but honestly lay out all our concerns, ask for an updated homestudy, to have a copy of our updated homestudy, and tell her that if we feel no progress has been made on our behalf we are going to switch to the county (or MAYBE another public agency) at the end of the year. I'm sick of the endless round of fruitless inquiries. I can't feel any positive thoughts about making a home for potential imaginary children in the middle of all this mess.

Last week was a dual anniversary. In early September 2006 my husband and I got married in the courthouse, and then went to drop off our application form at the agency. For our anniversary we celebrated by going to a great Vietnamese restaurant. I thought we would be farther along now. These events cast a shadow on our night but did not ruin it.

On the bright side, I feel confident that both of us are handling this well. I haven't broken down crying or anything; it hasn't destroyed our resolve. I know we will likely face harsher tests in future and will pass them.

I'll have an update soon!