Oh My God - Terrorist Attack

This hits close to home for me... what a terrible event.

KNOXVILLE, Tennessee (CNN) -- The suspect in a fatal shooting at a Knoxville church Sunday was motivated by frustration over being unable to obtain a job and hatred for the liberal movement, police said Monday.

Authorities recovered a four-page letter in which the suspect, Jim Adkisson, described his feelings and motives, police said.

Adkisson, 58, of Powell, Tennessee, has been charged with one count of first-degree murder in the shootings at Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church.

The gunman killed two adults and wounded seven others before being overpowered by congregants, authorities said.

The case is being investigated as a hate crime, police said.

[...]

Nicknames

I realized, after almost two years of blogging, I badly need a blogname for my husband.

This is a difficult step because I'm allergic to the commonly-used internet acronyms. PAP, POC, WOC, DH, DD, ugh, ugh, ugh.

My dad is now Ojiichan, of course. My mother is Nana. Sunny is Sunny and I'm Atlasien. My husband is... I'm coming up with a blank. I'd like something simple, unpretentious, reminiscent but with no clue as to his real identity. Mildly humorous would be OK, but nothing vaguely insulting, such as Kielbasa.

Quick Notes about the New House

The new house is sooo big to me. I talked about it with my husband recently, and we both realized that it's the first time either of us has lived anywhere with more than one bathroom.

In fact, when I lived in New York City in the 90s, my old apartment had NO bathroom. I had a nook with a sink, a mini-fridge and a hot plate, and then I shared a bathroom with three other apartments. And I considered myself lucky to get that. I had to pay an agency $300 just so I could apply for it.

I've lived in nicer places before and after, but I've always had to share single bathrooms with roommates.

We're starting to meet the new neighbors. Sunny is going to have neighborhood kids to play with here. He's already met a few of them. The subdivision looks like a very typical mix for this area... 1/3 elderly white people, 2/3 middle-aged black people.

It's nice and quiet here too. Our old house was on a busy street. Every few weeks we'd find a hubcap in our front yard because people kept crashing at the intersection around the corner.

The only drawbacks to the new house are 1) lack of sun for gardening due to trees and 2) huge amounts of mosquitos. Later in the year, I'm going to thin out the juvenile trees a bit, then start work on a mostly-native shade garden. The mosquito factor is compensated for by an awesome screened-in porch. Aaah...

Ojiichan has his own room for when he visits. I just found a couple cheap sources for tatami and real futons. Other than a tiny table and some pillows, he won't need anything else. He looks down on furniture. "Furniture is for barbarian Americans".

Crack or Meth / More antisocial kids songs

Moving is about 80% done.

We had an appointment with a psychiatrist recently. The appointment was more of a formality than anything; we just needed a quick examination to get a refill prescription on Sunny's medication.

We went into the small meeting room together. The psychiatrist went over the notes from the therapist. He asked us a few questions about Sunny's background. Sunny was busy looking at some kids books in a basket in the corner. I noticed, nervously, that the questions began to get more personal. At this stage with the therapist, we would usually split up, so that either I or my husband was talking, and Sunny would be in the room next door playing.

But the psychiatrist kept right on going. It looked like he hadn't read the notes too thoroughly. He asked about Sunny's bio mom... "So, was she on crack or meth?"

I suggested that Sunny and my husband go next door at that point.

I think that's extremely rude and disrespectful to talk in front of a 6-year-old child as if they're not even there. He barely even lowered his voice when he asked that question. Sunny is extremely perceptive.

Then, the psychiatrist starting making small talk, and he asked how much Sunny's adoption cost! I don't want to go into detail as to the location, but he should be used to dealing with kids from the foster care system. Of course his adoption is going to be free. Anybody in his position should know that already. What an ignoramus!

I considered making a complaint, but it's not easy finding psychiatrists who take Medicaid and are capable of making appointments less than six months in advance. I'll wait until after we take him off medication at least.

Sunny's foster home was a relatively shielded environment and I want to keep things that way for a while. Not forever, just a while. His understanding is that his bio mother was sick and couldn't take care of him. He doesn't need to know other details yet.

I considered making a long post about cultural views on drug addiction, race and class. No, I don't have any kind of Intervention-type life story, but my family experience is sort of different than the average American's. I decided not to. Even though this blog is anonymous, I just don't feel comfortable talking that much about the subject.

Speaking of trying to shelter Sunny, he picked up the weirdest song from a girl at his day camp. It's about a violent mouse. It goes like this:

Mice-ster Mice-ster bought a car
Mice-ster Mice-ster BLEW UP THE CAR!!!
Mice-ster Mice-ster bought another car
Mice-ster Mice-ster BLEW UP THE CAR!!!
Mice-ster Mice-ster bought another car
Mice-ster Mice-ster BLEW UP THE CAR!!!

After repeating a few lines of this, he's already laughing hysterically. My husband and I play it straight and tell him we hope Micester Micester doesn't live or commute anywhere near us. My husband also said he's heard Sunny say more lines like...

Mice-ster Mice-ster bought a CANNON cake
Mice-ster Mice-ster BLEW UP THE CAKE!!!
Mice-ster Mice-ster bought another cake

And disturbingly...

Mice-ster Mice-ster bought a pet
Mice-ster Mice-ster KILLED HIS PET!
Mice-ster Mice-ster bought another pet

When I was growing up we had "Little Rabbit Frufru". The way I understood it, Little Rabbit Frufru was kind of psychotic and slaughtered field mice for his enjoyment... but he got what he deserved. Micester Micester seems to get away with his reckless, antisocial behavior.

The very worst song I loved singing when I was a kid was a variant of "The Burning of the School" (it's sung to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic). Here's how I remember the chorus:

Glory Glory Hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I hid behind the corner with a loaded .44
And the teacher don't teach no more

A commenter here already mentioned a book that apparently anthologizes a lot of this stuff. I might go and order it. It's amazing how much it spread around solely by word of mouth... this type of song was too gross/violent to ever show up on TV or radio.

Hellboy II Was Awesome!

I really enjoyed it. Many of the visual elements reminded me of Pan's Labyrinth. The scene with the forest elemental also seemed like a homage to the the death scene of the forest kami from Princess Mononoke.

Who to Vote for Tomorrow...

We have an important election tomorrow. The Democratic primary is going to decide a lot of local leaders (there are so few Republicans that the general election isn't meaningful).

Hank Johnson, my rep, doesn't have a challenger this year, since Cynthia McKinney is off running for president. Usually this district is a hot primary contest. On the other hand, John Lewis DOES have a challenger, which is an amazing event. Everyone thought he would die in office without ever having to run for his seat again. He's not going to lose it this time, though.

The most important post for me is Dekalb CEO; this is a powerful position in charge of the populous area of unincorporated Dekalb. Vernon Jones, the misogynist, warmongering backstabbing all-around nasty human being, is leaving this post. I remember when he was first elected and there were high hopes for him. He was known as "an a**hole who got things done". But then he stopped getting things done. Dekalb County is still in a terrible situation as far as crime and school quality.

Vernon Jones is leaving to run for Senate. He's not a good candidate and there were rumors the Republicans were paying him to run. On the other hand, I've heard he might do well in south Georgia, where people don't yet know how much of an a**hole he is.

For Senate, we're trying to defeat Saxby Chambliss, a loathesome Bush puppet. Some people think that because Jones is black, he will be in a good position to take advantage of the new wave of Obama voters that are going to the polls this general election. If I believed that, I'd vote for him in the primary, because even Jones is better than Chambliss. However, he has such an evil reputation, especially among women, that I bet many people will simply not vote for that Senate position, even if they're voting a straight Democratic ticket otherwise.

So for Senate primary, I'm going to vote for Rand Knight. He seems intelligent, likable and has a decent chance. Josh Lanier is admirable but doesn't have the money. Dale Cardwell hates immigrants and is totally nuts. Jim Martin waited too long and is not energetic enough.

For Dekalb County CEO, I'm torn between Stan Watson and Burrell Ellis. I was leaning to Watson, but I have started to hear good things about Ellis. I will probably go for Ellis after doing a bit more research.

More Death, and Colorism

I had some heavy conversations with Sunny today.

He brought up death while we were driving. He said that when you died, you turned into an angel and went up into the clouds.

I told him that's not what I believed. He got a little upset. "You don't believe me!"

"It's not that I don't believe you, I just have a different belief. It's OK to believe different things."

"But that's what my mom in ___ says! And she's always right! If mom is right, then I'm wrong." He'll mix up all three moms in the same conversation sometimes, but I always know who he's talking about.

"When it comes to what happens after we die, a lot of people believe different things, and that's OK. We can respect each other's beliefs even if we don't believe the same thing."

Then we talked about all the different colors in the beautiful sunset. I went fishing a little bit.

"People have all different beautiful skin colors too, you know."
"I know. My skin is lighter than yours."
"Um... no it's not. Your skin is a nice caramel color."
"Caramel is dark. I don't like dark skin."
"But there's nothing wrong with dark skin. Does that mean you don't like all the nice people you know with dark skin?"
"No, I like them. I just don't like dark skin. Light skin is better."

Argh...

"Well, I like dark skin." That's all I had for the moment.

Later that night I took out "Bright Eyes, Brown Skin" again for our bedtime reading. Despite how much I've been complaining about uneventful black-themed children's books, I sure was happy to see that cover again.

It was inscribed as a gift to him from a friend of mine: "To Sunny, who has beautiful bright eyes and brown skin." We read the inscription again.

"You do have beautiful brown skin."
"I know. Hug!"
I gave him a hug.
We read through the book again. He seemed more into it than the first time around. He wanted to try reading some of the words himself.
At the end I said, "It's OK that we have different-colored skin. I like my skin and I like your skin too. I hope you like your skin and my skin too!"

He smiled and seemed a lot happier. Then we read some more pages of Horton Hears a Who, an old favorite which is what he really wanted to read.

He complained a bit that he had bad dreams at night. He had bad dreams about the movie Grinch (thank you Jim Carrey). I told him I had bad dreams about monsters almost every night (this is true). But they didn't bother me, because when the monster got too close, I'd stop running and tell the monster, "I give up. I'm tired of having this bad dream. I'm going to quit this dream and start having a good dream instead, just because I can."

He also tried to persuade me that he spent most of the night awake. I know this is an exaggeration designed to get us to sleep in bed with him. He goes right to sleep after a few minutes. Sunny's like a light switch without a dimmer. When he's on, he's up, and very vocal about being up; when he's off, he's practically comatose. One reason I know is that we made a few attempts last month to wake him at 10pm to go to the bathroom. We abandoned that anti-bedwetting tactic pretty quickly because waking him up was so difficult and he obviously hated it.

The truth is that it's against pre-adoptive placement rules to sleep in the same bed. He could get taken away from us for that. I don't tell him that. I just tell him that we can't sleep together, but maybe in the future, we'll have a sleepover on vacation where we all sleep in the same room.

I wonder if he really has bad dreams all the time too. In the morning, I always ask him what he dreamed, and he always says he can't remember.

I turned off the lights and lay in bed next to him for a few minutes before I left for the night. I think he had a good bedtime, and I really hope he went to bed tonight with just a little less worry on his shoulders.

I told my husband what Sunny had talked about earlier. I told him, "It's tragic and depressing, but I'm not really surprised. Little kids look around and start noticing who's on top in society. If he brings it up again, just try and reinforce positive messages, but don't get upset and raise your voice and give him the message that it's a bad thing to talk about."

Kids, Movies and Death

Ahh... I want to see Hellboy II so bad...

My husband and I have very different movie tastes. I like big sweeping epics with big themes -- the bigger the better. I used to study and work in the fringes of the industry, so I also have a strong appreciation for cinematography and editing. Jodorowsky, Kurosawa, Tsui Hark, Herzog: those are my guys. Most American epics are just too stupid for me to enjoy (e.g. the Matrix with that stupid, stupid human battery idea... wouldn't it be a lot easier to just hook up a bunch of cows?), although I do love John Sayles and his delicate sociological style.

In the absence of intelligent epics, I'll settle for competent ones with lots of blood, explosions and pointy-toothed monsters.

On the other hand, the ideal movie for my husband is shot in black and white with cinema verite style. It's based in either Milwaukee or Lbubljana, Slovenia. It takes place over the span of a few days and follows several quirky characters in their monotonous daily routine as they go through an intensely private dysfunctional moment in a quietly painful sort of way. You might think something is going to happen, but it never does. Maybe someone goes fishing with their dog. The fish aren't biting. They look sadly down at the water. Freeze frame. Credits roll. I don't notice the credits because I fell asleep an hour ago.

But he liked the first Hellboy movie. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was the noir element? Anyway, I LOVE Guillermo del Toro and I'm totally pumped about Hellboy II. Luckily we have Nana to watch Sunny while my husband and I go see it together.

I'm so glad my mom and I live so close. Sunny really loves her too.

Sunny watched the Spiderwick Chronicles recently. I decided it was alright, despite the monster-related violence, because I'd heard it had good themes about family unity and dealing with loss.

He really enjoyed it and says he wants to watch it again. One thing he said sort of bothered me, though. He said that if Arthur Spiderwick turned to dust that would look cool... I told him it's not nice to wish for people to die, and he said that it would be OK because Spiderwick would just come back in the second movie.

It's hard to explain stuff like this to kids in a way they really understand, especially given the bad influence of video games. I did my best. I reminded him that in real life, people don't really come back after they die. Death is forever*.

It's not just kids that have a problem with that fact. We don't want to die, but we're fascinated with representations of death. We're compelled to watch and relive scenes of death over and over again in all aspects of human culture.

The clearest explanation I ever read on the subject was from Aristotle in 335 B.C.

Poetics, IV. The Origin and Development of Poetry

Poetry in general seems to have sprung from two causes, each of them lying deep in our nature. First, the instinct of imitation is implanted in man from childhood, one difference between him and other animals being that he is the most imitative of living creatures, and through imitation learns his earliest lessons; and no less universal is the pleasure felt in things imitated. We have evidence of this in the facts of experience. Objects which in themselves we view with pain, we delight to contemplate when reproduced with minute fidelity: such as the forms of the most ignoble animals and of dead bodies. The cause of this again is, that to learn gives the liveliest pleasure, not only to philosophers but to men in general; whose capacity, however, of learning is more limited. Thus the reason why men enjoy seeing a likeness is, that in contemplating it they find themselves learning or inferring, and saying perhaps, 'Ah, that is he.' For if you happen not to have seen the original, the pleasure will be due not to the imitation as such, but to the execution, the colouring, or some such other cause.

Imitation, then, is one instinct of our nature.

When I first read that, it was a huge revelation for me. It answered a question I'd never even thought to ask before. Why do humans get such pleasure from representations of death and pain? Why do I love watching movies with exploding vampires and zombies?


* I'm still a Buddhist but reincarnation is a lot more complicated than just "coming back".

Kicked Out of Therapy

The family therapist said we didn't need to come back for a while. We just don't have enough issues.

He was very skeptical about the possible bipolar diagnosis. One piece of evidence is that Sunny's behavior is better (less pouting, more focus) in school than it is at home. His reasoning was that true bipolar disorder doesn't differentiate like that. Acting better at school is just a very common six-year-old trait... my book on six-year-olds says as much.

He thinks that the pathologized behavior in Sunny's paperwork comes from anxiety about identity and stability. Coming from the foster care system, it would be unlikely, and even troubling, if Sunny didn't have that anxiety.

I scheduled another session in a couple of months, on the theory that maybe more issues will come up after school starts. We're also seeing the psychiatrist in a week. Our plan is going to be to start tapering off the medication after a month in school.

This was the first time my husband has ever had therapy.

"That was kind of fun! Maybe I'll do it myself!"
"Sure... just remember, if you do it for yourself, it's not covered by Medicaid."
"Oh..."

Progress

I thought I'd be moved by now. Ha ha ha!

The kitchen needs a bit of work. So far we're within budget.

Sunny's Medicaid finally came through, although we've had some hiccups with his medication. We've had his doctor and dentist appointments already, plus a therapist orientation meeting. Our first family therapy is going to start in a few days.

The therapist asked us if we had noticed anything odd, such as a fixation with guns and knives. We couldn't pick out anything that was really abnormal. I mean, he's kind of fixated on flashlights that he pretends are lightsabers, but I don't think that counts. For now, we're signed up for family therapy. The therapist also recommended keeping him on his medication until a few months of school, then tapering down to half strength for a month, then taking him off.

When Sunny met the therapist, he smiled at her and waved, but stayed close to me and hugged my leg tightly. She said that signified healthy body language in terms of attachment.

Today Sunny had his first dry morning in almost a month. Before he moved in with us, it was about a 50/50 chance each night. His anxiety level went up after transitioning, and might finally be dropping down a bit now. I hope the new house move doesn't raise it up again too much.

We're very very very busy. I hope this move is going to be over soon...

Pout Breakthrough

More and more, Sunny has started doing "funny pouts". When I tell him "no" on something, he'll make a pout-face, then exaggerate the face and add a funny noise. I usually imitate the noise and make a monkey sound "oo oo" or a tiger sound "raar". Then he starts giggling.

I'm happy... it seems like a better way of expressing himself.

Also, I might have to alter my plans for Sunny becoming an engineer or a lawyer. Maybe stand-up comic is more in order. His latest thing is dancing around doing "naked impersonations" after getting out of the shower.

"I'm the naked pizza delivery man!"

"I'm the naked fashion designer!"

That last one really confused us. We kept asking if he was a fashion designer for naked people, or a fashion designer who just happened to design clothes naked, but he wouldn't give us an answer.